


the way flowers bloom

by prince_sungho (fusionspeaks)



Category: 1TEAM (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-01-24 01:14:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18560932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fusionspeaks/pseuds/prince_sungho
Summary: Moon Jehyun is a quiet florist and Lee Junghoon is a final year university student infatuated with him. Junghoon buys a flower everyday at Jehyun's shop yet they never talk. Junghoon is invisible to Jehyun, and it frustrates him. Except, he isn't, at least not always.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> \- Aged up Junghoon and Jehyun a bit. So he's 22 and Jehyun is 23. So that makes Jinwoo (24), Sungho (28) and Rubin (27)  
> \- Other than that we're good!!

_ It has always been that way, from the beginning until now.  _

 

_________

 

The first time Junghoon met the handsome, blond-haired florist was about two years ago, when he dropped by the shop to buy a bouquet for his father’s inauguration for a new position. Junghoon could clearly remember the scent of summer that day as he rushed to get a bouquet at the eleventh hour, having forgotten to place a booking the day before at the usual florist near his home. Junghoon concluded, upon realizing his mistake, that he was much better off running down the street at his father’s working district in search of a florist than to confess to his mother that he’d forgotten a simple task. The last thing he wanted was his mother breathing down his neck about how forgetful he was.

 

He didn’t remember much from that day except that he ran like a madman down the busy street that morning in June, his t-shirt clinging to his body. He could feel the sweat on his brow and the shots of pain on his legs from the running around. He only stopped running when he saw the sign board of a flower shop at a quieter alley, and immediately made his way indoors.

 

The silver bell hanging on the door frame indicated Junghoon’s entrance into the shop, the strong scent of flowers of all kinds attacking his senses. As soon as he walked in, a man sitting behind the counter stood up, smiling faintly, “Welcome to Moon Garden, how may I help you?”

 

“Oh, hello,” Junghoon replied, bowing slightly, “Sorry if it’s a bother, but can I get a bouquet right now? It’s for my father’s inauguration, and it’s in an hour from now.”

 

He still recalled the man behind the counter giving him a reassuring smile, “Sure, it’s not like I have a lot of booking today. I’ll sort it out for you.”

 

Junghoon didn’t say anything afterwards, idly sitting down on a chair while the florist made his way to the flowers, choosing them. He didn’t feel any attraction to this man at the time, not by the slightest but something about the florist seemed melancholic. His movements were careful, his steps delicate and he made little to no conversation. Not so cheery for a florist. Still, Junghoon waited quietly.

 

“Is there any particular flower your father likes?” The florist asked him, his voice low and monotonous yet his face showed an attempt at a cheery demeanour. 

 

“Ah, well,” Junghoon shook his head, smiling awkwardly “anything goes, really. We just wanted him to have one for the event.” 

 

“Then, I’ll pair pink tulips and irises of different hues for you - they’re great for congratulating someone.” The florist replied, his deft fingers choosing the flowers he needed.

 

“Really?”

 

“Iris means admiration and pink tulips symbolize happiness and confidence. It’s perfect for your father’s inauguration.” The blond man answered, his hands busy with the bouquet he was putting together. He seemed to offer Junghoon a smile but he couldn’t be sure because just as it quickly appeared, his smile faded away. It seemed to Junghoon that the florist truly wasn’t talkative and didn’t intend to speak more than what he needed to say.

 

Junghoon waited until the bouquet was completed, observing how they were carefully put together, cut and wrapped by the quiet florist. As soon as it was completed, the florist brought it to the counter. Once again, he was the brooding man behind the cheerful, flower-laden counter, his work apron taken off. Junghoon took out his phone, ready to pay some exorbitant amount for the bouquet, as often was the case with bouquets.

 

“I’ll just charge you 100,000 Won, discounted rate.” The florist said to Junghoon abruptly, pushing the bouquet over to him.

 

“Why? It’s fine, I can pay your usual rate.”

 

The man shook his head, “It’s not often to see sons buying something for their parent. It’s sweet so I’ll give you a discount. Don’t worry about it.”

 

Junghoon nodded, to indicate he understood the reasoning, although he felt a little uncomfortable about not paying the actual price of the bouquet. The shop seemed empty and it felt unfair to not pay the full price when someone made a living off this. Nonetheless, he paid for the bouquet with his e-wallet and took it from the counter.

 

He grabbed the shop’s door handle, ready to pull the door open and make a run for it (again) to his father’s office when he heard the florist voice break the silence of the shop.

 

“Thank you for buying from my shop. Please come again.”

 

And he smiled at Junghoon, wider than before ‘till his dimples showed. Junghoon then noticed, perhaps for the first time since he came in, that the air of sentimentality he sensed in the man was right. His lips were smiling widely, you could have mistaken him for someone who was happy, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His eyes weren’t as happy as the smile he offered.

 

Yet Junghoon didn’t mention it. Just like any stranger and customer would, he said ‘you’re welcome’, bowed and walked out the door. He didn’t run, he didn’t think it was a good idea when he was carrying the bouquet. Passing by the flower shop’s window as he walked in the direction he came from earlier, Junghoon saw the florist slumped on his seat.

 

He wondered what could have made a person so incredibly sad, or quiet. Mother always said that when a person smiled, it would reach their eyes. If it didn’t, they weren’t happy. The florist was like a wilted flower, dark in contrast to the bright flowers he surrounded himself with all day. It wasn’t Junghoon’s business though, to be bothered about what could have altered someone into that kind of person. He had an event to catch up and a family waiting for him. Junghoon was a happy person.

 

He didn’t think he’d ever walk into that shop ever again. It wasn’t near his neighbourhood after all and he had no business in the area usually. And who needed flowers so often anyways, right? Definitely not Lee Junghoon.

 

Until, of course, two years later, Junghoon found himself coming to the shop more often than anyone else. Every morning, without fail, he bought a gardenia from Moon Garden, hoping that the message got through.  _ Yet to Moon Jehyun, he was still invisible.  _


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ swift update because i love jehyun and junghoon so much, i would move heaven and earth for them
> 
> ++ i don't actively stan other groups of this gen and don't want to use 3rd gen idols as friends due to the age gap/they never really met. so any person who isn't from 1TEAM is an OC!

“Jeez, at this rate, you're turning our apartment into a garden.” Rubin commented, picking one of the gardenias from the vase on the dining table. “I never knew you were such a flower person.”

 

Junghoon rolled his eyes at his cousin slash housemate's remark. He continued to lean into the sofa, feet up on the coffee table and watching a variety show. He'd been keeping up the habit of buying gardenias for about six months now, but haven't told a single soul why he did that. It wasn't that he was secretive, he just felt like it was his own business. 

 

“No, seriously, Junghoon,” Rubin threw himself next to Junghoon on the sofa, gardenia still within his grasp, “What is up with the flowers? Giving it to a girl but she rejects it everyday?”

 

Junghoon gave Rubin his death stare yet his annoying cousin remain unfazed. The idiot was still smiling widely, all giddy with his hands on both of Junghoon's cheeks. Junghoon merely grunted, pushing Rubin's hands away from him. 

 

“First of all, those are gardenias and it's not for a girl and no, I'm not telling you, hyung.” Junghoon replied, smiling sarcastically. The last person on Earth he'll tell about why he bought those gardenias would be Lee Rubin. His cousin had a habit of running his mouth to his boyfriend, Sungho and pestering Junghoon about it for days on end. Junghoon thought he'd save himself the trouble. 

 

Rubin pouted, softly shoving Junghoon's sides on the sofa. “You always act like you have a stick up your ass when I ask about the  _ gardenias _ .”

 

“Because it's none of your business, Rubin hyung. The gardenias make this apartment smells better anyways, unlike your underwear.” He retorted, sticking his tongue out like a child, and it was Rubin's turn to roll his eyes at Junghoon. 

 

“Fine, don't tell me then, you tyrant!” Rubin sulked, throwing a pillow at him and leaving the living room. Junghoon snickered as he watched Rubin closed his bedroom door behind him. Rubin might be older than him, but he sure acted like he was five years younger than his actual age. Rubin would probably call Sungho in a bit and complain to him about his ‘ungrateful’ cousin. How the hell Jin Sungho put up with Rubin's antics was beyond Junghoon's comprehension. 

 

Now that he had the room to himself again, Junghoon looked over at the dining table. The white gardenias were as fresh as the day he bought them, pretty and dainty as they were contained in the glass vase. The sweet scent of the gardenias filled the apartment so much, Junghoon could not remember how the apartment smelled like before he got the flowers. He got up from the sofa, walking over to the gardenias, touching them softly with his fingers. 

 

Junghoon bought the gardenias for Jehyun, to let him know about his heart.

 

“Why can't you see my heart when you're dealing with flowers everyday?” He heard himself asking out loud, his mind rushing through the memory vault in his head,  taking him back to one particular day in October one year ago. 

 

Moon Jehyun was sitting on a bench under a tree with falling leaves, alone. And Junghoon just happened to pass by the park to get to the subway station from his university.

 

\------------

 

Junghoon had just finished his classes that day, and he was exhausted. He had a packed schedule from morning to late afternoon with barely any time to even go to the toilet, let alone eat. His stomach was making whale noises by then. 

 

“Hey, Junghoon, do you want to eat out with me and then sing our hearts out?” His coursemate Youngmin asked, resting a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“I'd want to, but I think I'll have to pass. I need to buy something outside so I'll just grab something at the subway.” Junghoon replied while packing his laptop into the bag.

 

“You're always like this, even busier than the President of Korea!” Youngmin teased, and Junghoon laughed. He was right, Junghoon was always buying something, doing something and passed up on hanging out with his coursemates. Even he didn't know what he was so goddamn occupied for. 

 

“Okay, I swear I'll go for karaoke with you next time.” Junghoon raised his hand, stifling a laugh. 

 

Youngmin gave him a funny look before nodding his head. “If you say so, but you have to keep your word! If you bail out on me again, I'm going to kidnap you to the karaoke with me.”

 

Junghoon shook his head, pushing Youngmin away playfully. They walk out of the building together and Junghoon said his goodbyes. “I won't forget my promise, okay? I gotta go now. See you tomorrow!”

 

“Yes, Mr President, I'll see you soon!” Youngmin jested as they parted ways at the faculty's entrance. Junghoon looked on as Youngmin joined a group filled with people he knew from the faculty before turning away to settle his own thing. 

 

Junghoon walked towards the nearest exit to the subway station which passed by a small park. It was meant for locals living in the neighbourhood, especially the kids since it also had a playground. Junghoon liked walking through the park, rather than around it simply because he liked the peace and quiet it offered, away from the busy roads and streets. As he would on any other day, Junghoon put on his headphones, turning up the volume as the playlist played a Simon Dominic song. He pushed his hand into his coat’s pocket and walked off. 

 

It was midway during his walk through the park, seemingly void of any other human being, that Junghoon came across a face he thought was familiar sitting on a bench, just a few meters from where he was standing.

 

The man's hair was ash gray now, but there was no mistaking the handsome side profile and almond-shaped eyes. Junghoon was sure this was the sad florist he encountered two summers ago on his father's inauguration. He wondered if he should approach when he passed by the bench, because what if the florist didn't remember him? That would be awkward. 

 

Junghoon really didn't want to greet the florist. But he changed his mind when his feet brought him closer to the bench and he saw that the man was crying. He wasn't sobbing hard or wheezing until snot was coming out of his nose. It was like a pretty way to cry,  a few stray tears and the man dabbing it away with his lithe fingers. 

 

Somehow, it made him feel a little concerned. The florist didn't turn his face away even when Junghoon was standing directly in front of him. Junghoon took off his headphones, the item now hanging around his neck.

 

“Ex-excuse me, mister. Are you alright?” Junghoon asked, his voice trembling with uncertainty. He lowered himself to meet the florist's eyes. 

 

It was the first time they locked eyes with each other. Junghoon saw a flash of recognition, perhaps somewhere in the florist's memory. His sad eyes blinked for a few moments before he teared his gaze away. 

 

“I'm fine, thank you for asking.”

 

“Well, you were crying.” Junghoon interjected like an idiot, standing up again. “I don't know what's happened to you but I hope you feel okay soon.”

 

“I hope so too,” the man conceded, smiling a little and sniffling. He now looked at Junghoon once more. “You're the inauguration boy.”

 

_ Ah, so he remembers.  _

 

“Yeah, I'm Lee Junghoon.” He nodded,  bowing, “I mean, the inauguration boy is me and my name is Junghoon.”

 

He didn't know why he was a sudden nervous mess when the florist recognized him. It made no sense. He wasn't like this when people recognize him from a cringy, funny video he made with Rubin when he was fifteen. That shit fest probably still floated around somewhere on the Internet. 

 

“I'm Moon Jehyun.” The florist introduced himself, snickering at Junghoon. “Sorry if seeing me crying at public park disrupted you. Where were you headed to?”

 

“No, no, I'm not in a rush.” Junghoon immediately answered, waving his hands and somehow, it made Jehyun laugh. Junghoon couldn't believe Jehyun had a melodious, warm laugh for someone who radiated so much morbidity. 

 

“I was headed for my home, Gwanghwamun Station.” Junghoon answered the earlier question in a tiny voice after Jehyun laughed.

 

“I'm heading to Yeouinaru. So I don't think we are going in the same direction.” Jehyun said, rising from the bench. Junghoon could see where the tears had been just minutes earlier. Jehyun had tried his best to wipe them away with the sleeve of his coat. Still, he didn't mention that there was still a teardrop on his left cheek.

 

“Oh, so… see you again?” Junghoon half asked. Jehyun nodded softly and offered a smiled. Almost as though Junghoon had become a stranger to him again, Jehyun walked past him and towards the opposite direction. 

 

“Mr Moon Jehyun!” Junghoon called out and Jehyun stopped in his tracks. He looked over his shoulder at Junghoon, his expression portraying his questioning feeling. Junghoon walked up to him, and took out a pocket tissue he had in the pocket of his coat. 

 

He offered it to Jehyun. “You might need this.”

 

Jehyun's hand slowly moved to take the tissue from Junghoon's grasp. He said, almost in a whisper, “Thank you.”

 

Then, Junghoon watched Jehyun turned his back on him and stepped away. Little by little, Jehyun faded from view, perhaps now joining the crowd of people on the busy road, one lonely creature among millions. 

 

All night long, Junghoon couldn't stop his brain from replaying the image of Jehyun crying under the tree. Just as he spoke softly and moved quietly, even while crying he made little to no sound. Crying was usually a pretty messy and ugly thing, yet Jehyun seemed pretty, something like a small child then. 

 

Honestly, Junghoon didn't know why he cared or why he was so curious. He just was. 

 

The fact that he couldn't stop thinking about it was what prompted him to travel 20 minutes away from his apartment just to see Jehyun. To see if he was alright.

 

Later, he made the journey just to see Jehyun. 

 

\---------

 

Junghoon snapped out of his reverie of the past when he heard the doorbell ring. He walked over to the intercom to see Rubin's boyfriend, Sungho,  standing outside their apartment’s door.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asked as soon as he opened the front door. Clearly, he didn't expect to see Sungho at their doorstep on a Wednesday night. 

 

Sungho, still in his suit and tie, carrying a briefcase, sighed. “What did you do to Rubin?”

 

“What? I didn't do anything!”

 

“He called me while I'm on the subway, saying you didn't want to tell him something. And he's been asking me to come over and comfort him because you were being mean about it.” Sungho explained, cocking his head to the side and his arms folded on his chest. 

 

“Wah,” Junghoon sighed, finding the situation unbelievable. “He really slandered me. I wasn't mean  _ at all _ , I just said I didn't want to tell.”

 

“Yeah, in a mean way.” Rubin interrupted, wedging himself between the wall and Junghoon to grab Sungho. “And why are you making my baby stand outside, you witch.”

 

Junghoon found himself pushed out of the way as Rubin grabbed Sungho inside and closed their apartment's door. 

 

“I wasn't mean.” Junghoon defended himself. 

 

“Just tell him, Junghoon or he won't let it go.Let me go home and rest, have a little sympathy for me.” Sungho half-begged,  while Rubin clung to his arm like some sort of koala. Even when he was tired or irritated, Junghoon thought that Sungho couldn't ever bring himself to be mad at Rubin. They've been together long enough for Sungho to just let Rubin be. They've faced things worse than Rubin acting like a five year old with Sungho. 

 

“Yeah, tell us.” Rubin echoed. 

 

“Don't drag me into this, you walnut. I don't care what Junghoon wants to hide, only you do.” Sungho ran his fingers through Rubin's hair affectionately despite the less than romantic words he'd just utter. Rubin pouted at his boyfriend but Sungho merely smiled at him, stealing a kiss on the forehead.

 

Junghoon sighed, hands on his hips. “Fine, I'll tell you but you better keep your mouth shut about it. Don't tell anyone else.” Junghoon caved in to Rubin's demand, much to the older man's joy and Sungho was clearly relieved there was one less thing that Rubin will complain about to him. 

 

\-------

 

“I knew it, you have a crush!” Rubin giggled, drinking his grape ade on the sofa. “That's so cute!”

 

“See, this is why I don't want to tell him, Sungho hyung.” Junghoon pointed to Rubin with his mouth. 

 

Sungho, being the oldest among them, simply shook his head, a smile on his lips. “Well, he's just happy you're finally like everybody else. He thought you were asexual because you didn't show interest in anyone.”

 

“Sungho!” Rubin yelled, surprised that Sungho would tell Junghoon what he thought was a secret. 

 

Junghoon nearly spit his drink at Sungho upon hearing it. “You thought I was what?”

 

“Forget about it.” Rubin laughed awkwardly. “I know you're not now.”

 

“So what if I was?” Junghoon snarkily replied. Rubin was clearly making faces then, leaning on to his boyfriend’s chest.

 

“I'm not having this conversation any longer.” Junghoon said, getting up from the living room floor. “You lovebirds can have the area to yourselves, I'm turning in.” 

 

\-------

 

Now that Rubin knew who was it that occupied Junghoon's mind in the past six months, he sure as hell would keep bugging him about it, asking him to ask Jehyun out. However, Junghoon couldn't help but to feel that in the past six months, it was quite clear to him that there was no place in Moon Jehyun's heart for Lee Junghoon, no matter how many gardenias he bought. This was just another one-side love that Junghoon had to accept. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you find this satisfactory! I am really excited for this. 
> 
> OFFER: I need someone to be a test reader because my usual test reader (my bff) is busy. A test reader helps me to fix my stories and see its shortcomings. If you are interested to be my test reader, you can DM me on twt at @prince_sungho. First come, first serve since I only need one test reader. Thank you!


	3. THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ jinwoo is gonna appear after C4 or C5, pls don't ask me why

Junghoon woke up to the smell of kimchi fried rice wafting through the apartment the next morning. It wasn’t difficult for him to put two and two together - Sungho probably stayed the night in Rubin’s room and was making breakfast for them. Anyone who knew his cousin and had their wits about them wouldn’t let him anywhere near the stove. It was why they always ordered delivery, except if Sungho came by.

 

He found his suspicions confirmed when he registered Sungho sitting at the dining table next to Rubin. Rubin kept asking Sungho to feed some of the rice to him and Junghoon was at the verge of yelling at them. To be honest, Junghoon almost felt like choking Rubin every time he was with Sungho, because they would be so overly lovey-dovey, it made him feel awfully single. 

 

“Good morning, Junghoon.” Sungho greeted him with a warm smile upon registering his presence. Junghoon tipped his head to acknowledge the greeting, crossing the room to settle at the dining table.

 

“This is the best part of you coming over, I’ll be honest.” Junghoon said to Sungho, scooping some of the fried rice for himself.

 

Rubin smiled, as if proud, and conceded, “I know right, I chose the right man so I won’t starve.”

 

“Hey,” Sungho frowned, “is the good food my only attractive quality?”

 

Rubin laughed like a schoolgirl, resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. “Of course not, you know I love you because you are the cutest boy on Earth!”

 

Junghoon couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes, making a coughing sound. “Please have some sympathy for me. You're making me feel like a third wheel.”

 

“You  _ are  _ a third wheel. Sungho isn't moving in because you're living with me.” Rubin snapped back, sassy and raising a brow. 

 

Junghoon was too fuzzy in the morning to be retorting, so he kept his mouth shut while chewing aggressively on the rice. It was a wonder he didn't choke himself on them. 

 

“So, are you going to buy gardenias today too?” Rubin started, picking up the conversation which had fallen stagnant moments earlier. 

 

Junghoon could already feel his inner annoyance creeping up on him. This was what he didn't like. If Rubin knew, he'd keep asking Junghoon about it, and he didn't like that. Of course, Rubin usually meant well but Junghoon wasn't Rubin. He didn't want to giggle over the person he liked so overtly. 

 

“Yes. Don't tell me you want to tag along because I am not giving you permission to do that Lee Rubin.” Junghoon finally replied, eyeing his cousin who sat just across from him. 

 

Judging from Rubin’s excited expression though, Junghoon could tell that yes, Lee Rubin wanted to tag along and no, Junghoon telling him he preferred Rubin to stay out of it totally would not be enough to abate him. Sungho seemed to sense Junghoon’s intention but a simple glance let Junghoon know that Sungho wasn’t gonna back him up because they both know how Rubin was.

 

Sungho shifted in his seat and looked over at Rubin. “There’s no hiding from you, huh?”

 

Rubin shook his head, and Sungho laughed. “If you’re gonna follow Junghoon, promise me you won’t embarrass him. You always do that to him when you meet someone he likes.”

 

“No, I don’t.” Rubin said quickly.

 

“Yes, you  _ do _ .” Junghoon interjected, raising a brow and he could see Rubin pulling a face. Why on Earth Junghoon stayed with Rubin out of all his cousins, was beyond him. Perhaps it was the opposite personality that made them a good fit, he guess he’ll never know.

 

“Promise me, baby?” Sungho raised his pinky. Rubin was pouting but he still raised his pinky to promise Sungho that he would behave.

 

“No weird business, please, Rubin hyung. Jehyun doesn’t even talk to me.” Junghoon said, half-begging perhaps and Rubin merely nodded, denoting his agreement, shoving another spoonful of fried rice.

 

Junghoon knew better than anyone than to entirely take Rubin’s word for it. Not even a promise to Sungho could entirely stop Rubin from making Junghoon look like a fool.

 

______ 

 

Junghoon didn’t know why going to the flower shop with Rubin in tow was ten times more nerve-wracking than going alone. He couldn’t decide if he was nervous because Jehyun might think he and Rubin were lovers or that Rubin might do something weird that would make Jehyun uncomfortable. Either way, the prospects weren’t bright - not that Junghoon had a solid chance to begin with.

 

“So we go out at this exit, right? That’s where uncle’s office is.” Rubin said, pulling Junghoon out of his anxiety-laden thoughts. Junghoon looked up to see the Exit 5 signboard and nodded.

 

“Alright!” Rubin continued, cheery as ever. His cousin walked faster than Junghoon and damn near left him behind. For someone who had never been in the area, Rubin sure was confident as heck, Junghoon thought.

 

As they walked out of the subway station, pushing through the insane amount of city-dwellers on a rush hour morning, Junghoon decided he should once again warn Rubin to not say embarrassing stuff. 

 

“Hyung, please don’t say anything strange to Jehyun. Just this once, save my face.” He whispered, making his best possible sorry face. 

 

Rubin laughed, lightly slapping his shoulder. “I won’t, jeez, calm down. Now, lead the way so I can meet your mystery man!”

 

Junghoon found himself quite flustered at the ‘your mystery man’ remark. It was as though he was  _ actually _ dating Jehyun when the man himself wouldn’t even say anything beyond ‘welcome’ and ‘thank you’ to him. Nonetheless, Junghoon digressed. He made a coughing sound to abate his rising feeling of nervousness.

 

“Yeah, alright, let’s go, hyung.” He said to Rubin, smiling at the older one - the first time he smiled today. 

 

Rubin seemed to be able to understand his uneasiness without Junghoon needing to say it out loud. Despite their constant war of words, at the end of the day, Rubin always understood Junghoon the most. His cousin approached him, giving his shoulder an assuring squeeze before Junghoon led them towards the flower shop where the person he came to like, sat behind the counter.

 

_______

 

“Welcome to Moon Garden.” Jehyun’s sweet yet monotonous voice greeted the both of them as soon as they entered. No matter how many times Junghoon hear Jehyun’s voice greeting him, it always made him feel something. Something he couldn’t pinpoint. He wondered how Jehyun’s voice would sound if he said anything else - if his lips said Junghoon’s name.

 

“Hello!” Rubin replied to Jehyun’s greeting, perhaps too cheerful. Jehyun was clearly surprised at the presence of another tagging along with Junghoon. After all, this was the first time Junghoon came with someone else. 

 

“Ah,” Jehyun said, clearly feeling awkward upon seeing who seemed to exude so much happiness, “hello.”

 

Jehyun bowed and Rubin did likewise before turning to Junghoon. As this took place right before his eyes, Junghoon couldn’t help but feel like bringing Rubin might not be such a bad idea, considering his talkative nature might get more than just a word or two out of Moon Jehyun.

 

“Are you here for one gardenia today?” Jehyun asked Junghoon, looking past Rubin. It was the first time, since that day at the park, that Jehyun asked him anything and was actually looking at him, at  _ Junghoon _ . Out of nowhere, Junghoon found himself unable to speak, and it made him want to punch himself. He looked at Jehyun every morning, but the moment Jehyun spared him a glance, Junghoon’s tongue went numb. 

 

Rubin knowingly replied in Junghoon’s stead. “Yeah, he’ll have that! Oh, and can you do a simple bouquet, I want to give it to someone special today.”

 

“I see...sure.” Jehyun answered, focusing on Rubin for a few moments before busying himself with the flowers.

 

Junghoon let out a relieved sigh and Rubin stepped closer to him. His cousin whispered at him, “Did you really have to like someone who doesn’t even talk, Junghoon? Seriously?”

 

“You ask my heart why it does somersaults when it sees this guy.”

 

“Okay, let me ask it.” Rubin replied, and his cousin placed an ear on Junghoon’s left chest. Junghoon would have tapped Rubin’s head if he hadn’t removed it fast enough.

 

“Your heart says it’s because you’re an idiot.”

 

“I can’t tell if I want to laugh or punch you right now.” Junghoon said, bursting into a fit of laughter, much to his own surprise.

 

What Junghoon did not expect though, was to hear Jehyun’s laughter. He immediately stopped laughing, and turned his head to see Jehyun trying to stifle his own laugh, his hand covering his own mouth. Junghoon could only stand there, blocking out the flabbergasted Rubin entirely, with his own lips half-smiling and half-twitching in disbelief.

 

“I’m sorry if you didn’t mean for me to hear that conversation.” Jehyun finally spoke, still smiling, more beautiful than ever. Junghoon realised he couldn’t remember the last time he saw Jehyun smile because the florist always had a poker face. He forgot how much better the man looked when he smiled.

 

“You were meant to hear it, Mr Florist, don’t you worry.” Rubin conceded, causing Junghoon to come to his senses and he never wanted to put his hand over Rubin’s mouth as much as he did then. Rubin was embarrassing him (again) and he could feel his face getting warm.

 

“Hyung!” He instinctively yelled out. Rubin merely made a face and stuck his tongue out. 

 

Jehyun went back to being quiet but from his peripheral, Junghoon could clearly see that the smile hadn’t left Jehyun’s lips. Somehow, that made him feel better even though he still felt embarrassed. Rubin really was both a blessing and a curse.

 

_____

 

Jehyun came up to the counter as soon as he got Rubin’s bouquet done. Junghoon decided he wouldn’t have Rubin making a fool out of him again and stepped up to pay for the flowers while Rubin was still admiring the hydrangeas. Jehyun seemed like he was happy to see Junghoon, or maybe that was just a boy in love’s head making up things. 

 

“How much is it?” Junghoon asked, but couldn’t find it in him to look at Jehyun’s face for too long. He merely stared down at his own feet.

 

“I’ll give you two gardenias today.” Jehyun answered instead. Junghoon never turned his head so quick to look at someone before. 

 

“W-why?” He stuttered. God, he wanted to choke himself.

 

“Just...I just wanted to give you more, since you buy them everyday.”

 

“Oh...Do you know what gardenias mean?” Junghoon heard himself asking, curious to know if Jehyun had the slightest idea why he bought the gardenias religiously., or at least what the gardenias symbolize.

 

Jehyun nodded, half-smiling. “It stands for a secret love...You must really like someone to buy this for them everyday.”

 

_ Or to buy  _ **_from_ ** _ them everyday, he continued in his mind. _

 

“That’s true. I do like them a lot, but I don’t know if they like me. They’ve never talked to me.” Junghoon replied thoughtlessly, regretting it as soon as the word left his lips. However, saying that gave him the strength to make eye contact with Jehyun.

 

Jehyun’s smile faltered. Almost as if their positions had been switched, it was Jehyun’s turn to break eye contact. He didn’t say anything at all. He simply had the gardenias wrapped in a pink wrapping paper instead of the usual transparent one. Junghoon wasn’t sure if his thoughtless words were making Jehyun uncomfortable.

 

“Is it me?” Jehyun asked after a few moments, without looking at Junghoon. “It’s just a guess.”

 

Junghoon could sense the impending surge of panic coursing through him. Did Jehyun just do a wild guess and happened to be correct or was Junghoon not as invisible as he thought he was? Did Jehyun notice the meaning behind Junghoon’s excessive buying of the gardenias all this while but didn’t believe it until Junghoon said it himself? 

 

His lips quivered and he could only swallow his saliva. He couldn’t utter a single word, let alone face Jehyun.

 

Once again, Rubin saved him from his own mess. His cousin pushed him out of the way and took out his own wallet. “How much was it again?”

 

Again, Junghoon let out a sigh of relief. He watched from a safe distance in the tiny shop as Rubin paid for the flowers. When Rubin was done paying, Junghoon didn’t waste any time to pull the door open and leave. The shop suddenly felt too suffocating to stay in.

 

He didn’t dare to look into the window to see how Jehyun was reacting. He didn’t want to know.

 

______

 

“He knows, Rubin hyung.” Junghoon looked at his cousin as they sat on a bench by the street. “ He knows I like him.”

 

“No, he doesn’t, he just guessed,” Rubin contradicted, sipping on his Americano. “And so what if he does?”

 

“Do you even know what shyness feels like?”

 

“No, never had that issue, I’m always fantastic.” Rubin answered with his smug smile. “Besides, if I was shy, how’d you think I got Sungho to date me.”

 

Junghoon closed his eyes, the heels of his hands resting on his eyes. He always assumed it was a one-sided love. He should have continued to assume that and not say things that would make him feel this way. And now he felt too shy to come back to the flower shop.

 

More than anything though, he couldn’t erase how Jehyun’s smile vanished when he said his semi-confession out loud. Perhaps Jehyun knew all along the childish thing Junghoon did. He perhaps could have guessed but it might never have crossed his mind that Junghoon would admit to it. Now that he did, Junghoon couldn’t stop himself from thinking that Jehyun probably didn’t like him back and Junghoon was just a silly boy. 

 

A silly boy who always ended up liking people who couldn’t return even a quarter of how he felt.


	4. FOUR

It had been a week since  _ the _ incident. Junghoon hadn’t gone to the flower shop out of sheer embarrassment and no matter how many times Rubin told him to suck it up and just go, he wouldn’t. The gardenias which he had so diligently cared for in the vase on the dining table were wilting. Suddenly, Junghoon didn’t feel like caring for them as much as he used to. If the gardenias symbolize a secret love, then its state of disarray represented the similar state of Junghoon’s heart. 

 

He had been moping in his room and hadn’t left the apartment except for a lecture last Friday. At this juncture, he was certain even Lee Rubin felt like Junghoon’s out of character antics was driving him mad. Rubin had been trying to coax Junghoon to go out with him and Sungho to no avail.

 

Today was once again a Thursday. At this time last week, Junghoon had to face one of the most awkward moments in his life and for the first time in his twenty-two years, see someone so disappointed at the idea that Junghoon liked them. He’d be joking if he said that didn’t hurt, even just a little. However, he couldn’t sulk and be an outcast forever. There would be a lecture this afternoon and he’d have to drag himself out of the apartment.

 

Rubin would be at work today, so Junghoon could leave the house in peace without his cousin being a busybody. He wasn’t in a rush because Youngmin said he’d come pick him up with his car. Junghoon took his time to get ready, finding himself naturally inclined to choose clothes of darker shade. Without missing a beat, Junghoon put on a cap and opened the door to his room. He immediately caught sight of a post-it note on his door, Rubin’s handwriting on it.

 

‘Do you want me to throw out the gardenias?’ and it was followed by two boxes with the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Junghoon felt his lips crack into a smile for the first time in days. It was the little things Rubin did for him that reminded him how much love and care Rubin had for him, despite the indifference he showed on the outside.

 

Junghoon looked over his shoulders at the wilting gardenias. Did he really want to throw them out? Those gardenias weren’t just flowers after all, they carried a meaning. That was Junghoon’s heart in those flowers. It was true that Junghoon had allowed them to wilt and he didn’t care for them, but there was still some love somewhere. He wasn’t sure about entirely throwing away his own feelings like trash.

  
  


Junghoon ticked ‘no’, and slipped the post-it note beneath the door to Rubin’s room. He walked out of the apartment, arriving downstairs just in time as Youngmin’s car pulled over in front of his apartment complex. Junghoon tried his best to block out any emotional thoughts he may still have, donning his most cheerful mask as he entered Youngmin’s car. Today, he will forget about the incident and Moon Jehyun.

 

It was just a silly crush. He won’t think about it anymore.

 

______

 

Junghoon couldn’t believe life would play him like this. He came all the way to the university with Youngmin, only for the both of them (and maybe the rest of the class) to get an email saying the lecturer decided to cancel the class due to an emergency. And right in front of their study hall too. Junghoon was  _ this close  _ to swearing.

 

“That made me feel shitty.” Youngmin said, followed by his boisterous laughter as they stood next to each other in front of the study hall. “I cancelled my date with a girl because Mr Yong insisted on perfect attendance and this is what I get?”

 

Junghoon half-smiled and teased his friend. “I didn’t know you had someone.”

 

Youngmin shook his head, as if he had been caught red-handed. “It’s not like that! Our moms just set us up on a blind date, so this would have been our second date.”

 

Junghoon couldn’t stop himself from laughing at Youngmin. His coursemate wasn’t a shy person, but when it came the blind dates which he willingly go to for the sake of his mother, he would get flustered.

 

“So, won’t you go ahead and see her then? Tell her you’re suddenly free.”

 

Youngmin seemed to give it some thought before he answered. “I probably should, but I’m not sure. Plus, I told you I’d give you a ride home after class and we would go for karaoke. I still remember your promise, Lee Junghoon!”

 

“Okay, but isn’t the girl more important? Your mother would nag you about it unless you’ve gone on three dates with one girl.” Junghoon retorted, smiling. Youngmin clearly didn’t enjoy Junghoon reminding him of the many blind dates he’d gone to. He rolled his eyes at the remark.

 

“Fine, I guess I’ll tell her I have time to see her. But what about you?” Youngmin finally conceded, giving Junghoon a once-over. “Who’s gonna send you home now?”

 

“Jeez, Youngmin, you speak as if I don’t take the subway to and fro ninety percent of the time, instead of riding in your car.” He replied sarcastically, much to his friend’s amusement. 

 

“I guess, I’ll get going then. You get back safely, alright.” Youngmin told him, ready to leave. Junghoon simply gave his a friend a wave and a smile while he watched the guy stepped away from him, leaving him behind. 

 

Sighing, Junghoon wondered what would he do now that he had no classes. Rubin wouldn’t be home and that would usually be great because he had the apartment to himself. However, Junghoon had been holed up in the house for far too long. He couldn’t stay in again. Unlike most people, Junghoon also didn’t have a group of friends, like Youngmin, so he had no one to ask out. Studying was definitely out of the picture, he wasn’t in the mood for that today.

 

_ I could go see Jehyun. I hadn’t seen him in a week _ , he thought momentarily but snapped himself out of it. Didn’t he tell himself that he wouldn’t be going back again, not after what happened. Why did the thought even cross his mind in the first place?

 

But Junghoon  _ did  _ miss Jehyun. He missed buying the gardenias, and watching Jehyun wrap them like they were precious treasure. He liked how beautiful Jehyun’s hands were, the monotonous but beautiful voice that spoke to him, even if it was just a few sentences. He wanted to see Jehyun’s face, but did Junghoon have the courage to even go there?

 

Junghoon closed his eyes tightly, so much that he thought he hurt his eye balls. He bit his lips, feeling his heart beating wildly in his chest at the simple thought of going to Moon Garden. He wanted to go but at the same time he didn’t want to. God, this was stressing him out, more so than the cancelled lecture. 

 

To be frank, Junghoon could fight with his head and his heart all day long but deep down, he knew the truth. He knew what he needed to do.

 

_____

 

“What the fuck are you doing, Lee Junghoon?” He muttered under his breath, his entire body nervously shaking, yet his feet managed to walk him through the entire journey from his university to Moon Garden. “Turn back now, you fool.”

 

But he didn’t. 

 

He found himself standing just a few steps shy from the front door of Moon Garden. His backpack on his shoulder, Junghoon held on to the straps tightly, his palms sweating so much, he never thought he’d sweat this much. The weather outside was getting cloudy, indicating that it might rain soon. He couldn’t stay outside for too long. Still, Junghoon’s feet felt heavy and he couldn’t drag them into the shop.

 

All he did was stare bullets into the sign board. He didn’t even dare to peer into the window for the fear that Jehyun might be sitting behind the counter and catch him peeping. This entire debacle of whether or not to go in was driving him up the wall yet he couldn’t make the decision for himself to end the entire thing. 

 

“Either way, you’ve fucked up, Junghoon.” He spoke to himself, breathing heavily, clenching and unclenching his hands. 

 

He was making small steps towards the shop, nervous as he was and he actually did think he was going to cry. Junghoon was close to turning his back on the crazy idea when he felt droplets of rain on his forehead. 

 

“Oh my God.” He whispered quietly, looking over at the shop’s entrance, and then at the sky above him. The rain was getting heavier now. He really had no option then. Nature made Junghoon’s decision for him.

 

_______

 

Just like the first time, maybe every time even, Junghoon could never fully acquaint himself with the scent of flowers upon entering the shop. It was like an attack on his sense. The rain beat down heavily on the pavement, its noise loud. Junghoon knew what to expect upon entering.

 

Just as he thought, Jehyun stood up from behind the counter to say his greeting to his customers. “Welcome to Moon Gar-”

  
  
  


“I’m sorry, it rained outside.” Junghoon cut him off. Somehow, he felt like he needed to explain himself to Jehyun because the man himself might not want to see him. He saw the florist’s clear expression of surprise upon seeing Junghoon. Jehyun opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could muster any more words, all while Junghoon awkwardly stood in front of the shop’s door.

 

“Are you alright?” Jehyun asked in the end, voice unusually soft. Junghoon watched as he walked over to him. Jehyun’s steps were delicate, almost as though he made no sound while walking. Junghoon’s heart hammered in his chest as Jehyun closed the distance between them. 

 

Jehyun stood in front of him now, and Junghoon couldn’t contain himself as he started to breathe heavily. He hated himself for giving himself away like this. “Y-yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking. W-would you please step away, just a bit?”

 

Junghoon didn’t have the courage to look up at Jehyun’s face but he could see the way Jehyun’s body shakes slightly, and once again, the man’s laughter. “I’ll step back,  _ Junghoon.  _ But please, take a seat.”

 

_ He said my name. He said my name, oh God. _

 

Junghoon quickly grabbed the nearest seat he could find and sat down, He almost felt like a schoolgirl. Junghoon also noticed how warm his face was right now. 

 

“It’s going to rain for quite some time outside. Would you like something to drink?” Jehyun asked him, but keeping a safe distance between them. Junghoon finally forced himself to spare Jehyun a glance. Jehyun was looking at him with the kindest expression he had ever seen on that handsome face though he wasn’t exactly smiling.

 

“Sure, that’ll be good.”

 

Jehyun left Junghoon at the front of the store and made his way to the pantry, it seemed. Junghoon could finally heave out a sigh of relief. He took out his phone from his pocket and decided to text Rubin to save him. 

 

______

 

**Junghoon: send help**

 

**Annoying cousin: what**

 

**Junghoon: i’m at sad boi flower store**

 

**Annoying cousin: i thought you moved on hah LIAR**

 

**Junghoon: shUT UP, HE’S OFFERING ME TEA**

 

**Annoying cousin: then sip it, you punk**

 

**Junghoon: ur not helping pls**

 

**Annoying cousin: sorry kid, ttyl, i need to see my hubby for lunch**

 

**Junghoon: LEE RUBIN**

 

**Annoying cousin: the person ur reaching is making out, pls leave a message after five hours**

 

______

 

“Satan’s spawn,” he cursed under his breath, or he thought he did because Jehyun replied to him: “Am I...Satan’s spawn?”

 

Junghoon raised his head to see Jehyun holding two mugs of tea with a confused expression. He instantly stood up, started bowing and shaking his head, almost simultaneously. He looked like an absolute fool.

 

“No, Mr Moon Jehyun, of course not. I would  _ never  _ call you that, it’s just a slip of the tongue.”

 

“I see.” Jehyun replied, much to Junghoon’s stress. That was the reply someone gave if you made them feel awkward and they didn’t know what to say. Junghoon straightened himself up, and Jehyun offered the mug to him. Then, the florist walked away from him and sat behind the counter.

  
  
  


Once again, Junghoon could feel the distance between them. The two different worlds they lived in. Junghoon, standing here, in his own world and Jehyun over there, behind the counter, sipping on his tea, reading a magazine. How could he break the barrier? Did Junghoon have to do or say something risky again to elicit a reaction?

 

Junghoon gathered courage for himself, and made his way to the counter. Jehyun noticed, looking up from his magazine. He still didn’t say a word, merely gazing at Junghoon who now stood in front of him. Junghoon wasn’t sure what to say, so he decided to blurt out the first thing that crossed his mind.

 

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” 

 

“What?”

 

“Well,” Junghoon scratched his head which wasn’t even itchy, “when I told you about the gardenias...did it make you uncomfortable?”

 

Jehyun looked to be thinking for a moment, like he was digging through his memories. It made Junghoon felt that he was a person who was easy to forget. But Jehyun pulled through when he slowly bobbed his head, indicating he remembered what happened last week at this counter. He cleared his throat, seemingly unsure as he his eyes darted all over.

 

It took a few moments before Jehyun could face Junghoon, who was already a mess inside, if not outside. He said, “I knew your heart. I’m not stupid. Junghoon, I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m afraid I cannot return your feelings.”

 

Rejections  happened so often to Junghoon, he would have agreed that rejections were his actual lover as opposed to a human. Yet, that would not change the fact that every time someone turned him down, he felt hurt and with every unrequited feeling, his confidence experienced a decrease. This time was no different. 

 

However, unlike before, Junghoon felt like he needed to know why he was turned down. What was it that made Junghoon ‘not enough’ for anyone? At least that would make him feel better, wouldn’t it, to know.

 

“Why can’t you?” Junghoon heard his own voice speak, saying things that he wouldn’t usually say on a normal day.

 

Jehyun didn’t answer quickly. His fingers kept folding and unfolding the edge of a page in the magazine. He was probably biting his tongue, debating whether he wanted to tell Junghoon. 

 

“There’s still someone who has my heart. And I’m afraid, that person is difficult to replace.” Jehyun confessed, smiling sadly.

 

Junghoon didn’t know why he felt a pang in his heart. A stinging pain. It was like a physical pain.He was aware that this pain was not unfamiliar to him, yet it still stung like hell. He saw his view turning glassy, but he tried his best to hold back any tears that threatened to fall. He would not shed a tear here. 

 

“Why don’t you try replacing them?” Junghoon said instead, aware of his shaky voice when he uttered those words but he didn’t care. 

 

Jehyun sighed. “It’s unfair if I loved you - or anyone - just to replace someone else.You have to be with someone for the sake of being with them. People will get hurt if they know they’re second to someone else. I hope you understand.”

 

Junghoon wished he could understand. He wished he could accept it as it is, like he always did. He simply couldn’t do it this time. Part of it was because he was sick of being rejected, and part of it was because Junghoon just wanted someone to give him a chance. Jehyun should give Junghoon a chance to show that he could be good for Jehyun. Why would anyone assume it would end badly when they didn’t even give the person the space to prove themselves?

 

“I don’t care, Jehyun,” he said the florist’s name to the person himself for the first time, is voice getting smaller, “I don’t want to understand, this time. Just let me be with you, just for a little while.”

 

His words clearly startled Jehyun who immediately rose from his seat and rounded the counter to stand closer to Junghoon. He grabbed Junghoon’s shoulders, perhaps too roughly, forcing Junghoon to meet his eyes. 

 

“Don’t ask me to do that. I can’t be like  _ him _ . I can’t do that, are you mad?”

  
Jehyun’s eyes conveyed his frustration and something else Junghoon didn’t comprehend, not that he bothered at the time. Still, that did nothing to change Junghoon’s mind. He was thoughtless and said the dumbest things, but he rarely went back on them. Just like the impulsive person he was, Junghoon hugged Jehyun, as tightly as he could.

 

“Yes, you  _ can _ . You  _ can  _ break my heart. I give you permission to do that, so please... _ please _ just give me a chance.”

 

Jehyun didn’t say a word. But Junghoon could feel his warm arms encapsulate him, Jehyun’s chin resting on his head and one hand softly patting his head. Junghoon could hear the sound of Moon Jehyun’s heart beating - fast.

 

"Please, I just want someone to give me a shot. I'm not a bad person, Jehyun."

 

He knew he was being stupid, Rubin would probably tell him that, too. He was more than aware of how thoughtless he was being and this placed him in a vulnerable position. Just for once though, Junghoon wanted to act on his impulses, even if they’ll hurt him later. He just wanted to love someone for once.

 

Maybe Junghoon will never replace the person in Moon Jehyun’s heart but he could try his best. He could try to make Jehyun open up to him and accept him. He wouldn’t know until he tried, right?

 

_____

 

Jehyun wanted to say no. But the boy in his arms was sobbing, holding him tightly, demanding Jehyun to love him. He didn’t have the heart to push him away. Jehyun wasn’t sure how this one would end, assuming he gave the boy a  standing chance. Because Moon Jehyun knew better than anyone else that Lee Jinwoo tattoed his name on Jehyun’s heart. And Lee Jinwoo, despicable as he was, wasn’t someone he could forget easily.

 

Not even after three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i stepped on your heart


	5. FIVE

Junghoon admitted to the fact that what he did at Moon Garden was thoughtless. It was impulsive, silly and irresponsible. He wasn't really helping himself in the long run. He also knew that once he opened his mouth about it to Rubin, he would get a nagging. But he didn't expect Rubin  _ and  _ Sungho to both come for him at the same time two days later. 

 

“Please stop reminding me it's dumb, I know it is. Haven't you guys done something like that before, too?” Junghoon complained while he sat like an unruly child whose parents was scolding him. 

 

Rubin heaved out a heavy sigh, covering his face with the palm of his hand. “Junghoon, chasing someone who clearly has no intention to love you back is  _ unhealthy _ . This isn't starting out well at all.”

 

Sungho bobbed his head in agreement. He leaned forward on the dining table, smiling warmly at Junghoon as a father would to a child. For a split second, Junghoon had a stray thought that Sungho would have made a great father. 

 

“Sometimes, when we're in love, we do things that other people think are stupid,” Sungho started, “They  _ are _ stupid, and we usually know it is when we get hurt. So, all I'm saying is, Rubin and I could try and drill in your head that you've fucked up but you probably knew this. You just don't want to believe it until you get the short end of the stick.”

 

Junghoon understood what Sungho meant. He didn't say it, but he really did. He could simply meet Sungho's eyes to convey what he felt and he was sure the oldest among them sensed it. Sungho reached out to pat his head, and pulled back to comfortably sit on his chair. Junghoon shifted his gaze over at Rubin. Just one glance, Junghoon could see that Rubin openly disliked that Sungho didn't entirely take his side. But at the end of the day, Rubin had always viewed Sungho as the more mature of the both of them so he'd keep quiet. 

 

“I'll deal with what happens in the end. I know I did the wrong thing. You guys don't need to worry about it so much.” He gathered the braveness to finally say something. He saw Rubin biting his own lips, probably holding himself back from saying a few more words. 

 

Sungho knew this, taking Rubin's in hand in his. “Junghoon's all grown up now. We gotta trust he won't break his own heart.”

 

“If you cry at the end of the day, the only thing you're getting from me, are boxes of tissues, you hear me?” Rubin said, in his usual sassy tone and tried his best to smile again at Junghoon. 

 

He couldn't stop himself from breaking into a smile as well, though his was genuine. Junghoon got up from his chair and came over to hug his two ‘older brothers’, his second parents while he stayed here.. 

 

“I love you both so much.”

 

“As if you could ever hate me,” Rubin interjected quickly, causing both Junghoon and Sungho to laugh.

 

“You're right, who could ever hate you?” Sungho replied, in between his laughter. 

 

_______

 

The silver bell rang loudly as Junghoon entered Moon Garden. He dressed his best today, oversized t-shirt tucked into a pair of skinny jeans with a green plaid shirt over the t-shirt. It was summer again, in full swing, just like the first time he met Jehyun. Despite it all, Junghoon wasn't feeling as confident as the clothes he wore. He slowly walked up to the counter where Jehyun was sitting, reading a magazine, his presence apparently ignored.

 

“Hello, Jehyun.” Junghoon greeted nervously. His voice was small, exuding none of the confidence he thought he would have gathered by then. 

 

Jehyun was wearing a striped shirt,  beige-coloured, with a pair of dark blue jeans. A cup of cold Americano was also on the counter. Jehyun stopped reading, raising his head to meet Junghoon's face. 

 

In all honesty, Junghoon couldn't tell what Jehyun was feeling. He was unreadable. The man he loved merely gave him a once over before standing up from where he was sitting. Junghoon gulped, a little too loud, when they were standing eye to eye. 

 

“Hi, Junghoon.” Jehyun began, smiling at him and got straight to the point. “You wanted to go out with me today, right?”

 

Junghoon slowly nodded. “Yeah, just… like I texted you since two days ago but you didn't reply. So I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me. Thought I'd come by and check… on you. Sorry.”

 

He bit his lips, sighing (a habit that had become common nowadays), nervously looking at Jehyun. It seemed to Junghoon that Jehyun was mulling over the thought of going out with Junghoon and he hated that. He hated that Jehyun seemed to always forget about him and only started thinking of him when he was standing right before him. But then, could Junghoon really be mad when, like Sungho said, this was a stupid decision that he made himself? 

 

“I don't have many customers, so I guess we could go out.” Jehyun finally spoke up, breaking the silence that hung over them. His eyes was looking out at the crowd passing by the street. 

 

“Where do you want to go?” He asked again, shutting the magazine close, picking up the Americano to finish it. 

 

“Well,” Junghoon gave it a quick thought, “do you want to see a movie?”

 

Jehyun didn't answer but he offered Junghoon a smile. He knew the florist agreed when Jehyun took his wallet and phone, before crossing the room to put up the ‘closed’ sign at the front door. They didn't talk but Jehyun ushered Junghoon out of the shop, his hand reaching out hold Junghoon's wrist and softly dragging him outside. 

 

They were going to see a movie, together but Junghoon didn't want to think of it as a date. They were just two people - two strangers - going out, trying to see if, at the end of it, they could stand each other. If they could see each other again after the end of this day. 

 

It was like a deciding day of sorts for Junghoon.

 

_______ 

 

“So, what should we watch?” Jehyun popped the question while they lined up to get their tickets at the cinema. Junghoon glanced over at the e-board with the list of movies showing for the late afternoon hours. He wasn’t picky with movies, everything goes for him although he knew a few people who were particular about what they wanted to spend their money on.

 

“I’m cool with anything, so you can pick a movie.” Junghoon answered, smiling at Jehyun. He felt a lot less anxious now and more comfortable. They still had a gap between them when they stood next to each other but it didn’t feel as awkward as it did in the beginning.

 

“Are you sure?” Jehyun reconfirmed with him, so Junghoon gave a quick nod. Jehyun looked at the e-board again, and that gave Junghoon the opportunity to marvel at his side profile. Moon Jehyun really was a handsome man, the way his face was structured and his magnificent jawline. He couldn’t stop staring. Junghoon wasn’t going to shy away from the fact that staring at Jehyun like this made him think of all the what ifs, had they been closer. What if Junghoon could kiss Jehyun’s neck? Now  _ that  _ would be something.

 

“We could watch a special screening of Christmas in August. What do you-” Moon Jehyun didn’t finish his sentence when he turned around to catch Junghoon staring at him. 

 

_ Shit, this is embarrassing. _

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare so much.” Junghoon blurted out quickly, turning around to face ahead and walking up real fast when the person in front of him moved forward. He could feel himself getting flustered. Jehyun didn’t comment further, but he walked up and settled himself beside Junghoon again.

 

“I said, let’s watch Christmas in August.”

 

“Isn’t that an old movie? They’re playing it again?”

 

“Yeah, temporarily,” Jehyun reaffirmed to him, and his lips seemed to carve a smile. “It’s one of my favourite old films. Why, you don’t like it?”

 

Junghoon aggressively shook his head, “No! I mean, I’m okay with anything.”

 

Jehyun snickered, then his hand reached out to touch Junghoon’s head but he stopped midway. He looked to be unsure while Junghoon was just confused as to why Jehyun didn’t go on with it. Jehyun didn’t entirely drop his hand when he asked, “Can I pat your head? I don’t want to give you too much of hope, if I’m thoughtlessly kind.”

 

Junghoon nearly scoffed at those words. Jehyun already owned his heart without even doing anything, did he really think saying this to Junghoon was a sort of kindness? A ‘you might fall in love with me, so should I not do this’ warning? But Junghoon wasn’t about to air his sarcastic thoughts out there in the open. Instead, he smiled at Jehyun.

 

“You know you have permission. Don’t try to be nice and ask me about it.” He said, almost snarkily, to Jehyun. Jehyun laughed some, and finally placed his hand on Junghoon’s head, gently patting his head. His touch was just so gentle and warm, it made Junghoon felt all tingly inside, like there were roses and sunflowers and butterflies in his stomach. And the thought made him shy, so he didn’t want to even gaze at Jehyun.

 

When their turn came around to buy the tickets, Jehyun dropped his hand and went up to the counter. Junghoon kept quiet, watching Jehyun who was just slightly older than him yet seemed much more manly than he was, buying the tickets and paying it for them. Junghoon felt the Berlin Wall between them again, just for that moment, when Jehyun bought the tickets and straight away walked off to buy the popcorns. All while Junghoon was tagging along behind him like a lost puppy.

 

As soon as he bought the popcorns and drinks, Jehyun handed over one cup to Junghoon, which he obligingly took from the florist’s grasp. Now, it was Junghoon’s turn to feel a little awkward when Jehyun was staring him down. 

 

“You look like a hamster...or is it a chipmunk? Anyways, you’re a good looking person.” Jehyun said to him in one breath. He almost choked on his Pepsi.

 

Junghoon could feel his heart beating wildly. It was so loud, he was sure he could hear it in his ears. He was at loss for words again. It seemed that Moon Jehyun had a way of making Lee Junghoon speechless, making him look even more like a fool than he already was. He knew he should be saying ‘thank you’ or maybe say some witty remarks like he would with Rubin. Yet the words wouldn’t come and all Junghoon could do was blink uselessly at Jehyun. When he couldn’t take the awkwardness, his face getting flushed, Junghoon stomped away from Jehyun.

 

Why did this guy like making his heart shake this way?

 

_______

 

The darkened atmosphere of a cinema, the cold air conditioning and little to no gap was the perfect setting for any romantic endeavour. Couples loved cinemas and so did everyone who tried to get it on with someone. It was always the perfect idea. Not to Junghoon though.

 

Given his position with Jehyun, it could end up being two hours of absolute silence. Maybe they would even yank their hand quickly if their skin touched, who knew. All in all, it didn’t seem like such a great idea now to Junghoon. He tried not to think too much about it though. After all, he did initiate the idea, not Jehyun. Talk about trying to man up.

 

The movie started soon enough, and as expected, Jehyun hadn’t said or do anything. He just ate his popcorns quietly - one at a time - and his eyes were fixed on the screen. Junghoon mused that if this was how it was gonna be, he might as well pay attention to the movie playing on screen as well. 

 

Junghoon knew this movie. Christmas in August was a hit, and his parents had gone to watch it together back before they had him. Rubin was old enough to remember the movie vaguely. He never actually watched it so Junghoon wasn’t sure about the plot. He only knew it was a Shim Eunha movie.

 

Halfway through the movie, Junghoon could see where the story was going: A man with terminal disease in a relationship with a policewoman but couldn’t muster the courage to tell her that he won’t be alive for a long time. He wasn’t big on romance movie, especially not one that seemed quite melodramatic as Christmas in August but he persevered for Jehyun. He glanced over at Jehyun and the florist was still focused on the screen. Junghoon really wasn’t getting even a nanosecond of his attention.

 

As the movie reached its ending, Junghoon decided to once again look at Jehyun. That was the second time Junghoon saw Jehyun shed a few tears. Just like he remembered him to be, Jehyun’s tears were pretty, he cried beautifully. He sniffled some, and dabbed at his tears with his fingers. The movie seemed to impact him emotionally more than it did for Junghoon. It either meant Jehyun had a softer heart or Junghoon was heartless.

 

“Do you want tissues?” Junghoon heard himself whispering to Jehyun. A remake of a situation they had just a year ago. Jehyun shook his head, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away his tears.

 

“I just got emotional. This movie always gets me.”

 

“I see,” Junghoon pursed his lips together, his eyes darting around now as the lights in the cinema was turned on again. He wondered if he should ask why the movie was significant to Jehyun but passed up on it. He checked his phone to see that it was nearly evening already. “Do you want to grab dinner before we go home?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

_______

 

Junghoon picked where they would have dinner. Jehyun said it was because Junghoon let him choose the movie. So he picked a nice cafe at the street just outside the mall, since he wasn’t in the mood to eat anything heavy. 

 

“Is that your favourite cake?” Junghoon asked, as Jehyun ate a small piece of a strawberry cheesecake.

 

“I don’t have favourites,” the florist replied, “but I do like this. What’s yours?’

 

“Chocolate cakes, or tiramisu.”

 

Jehyun nodded in understanding. And then a hanging, uncomfortable silence hung over them. Junghoon wasn’t sure what to say, so he munched on his chocolate mousse as silently as possible.

 

“You say sorry a lot, did you know that, Junghoon?” Jehyun commented all of a sudden. He peered at Junghoon when he said that and Junghoon returned the gaze.

 

He gulped, swallowing some of the food. He slowly nodded.

 

“Why? What are you always so sorry for? Existing?”

 

“It’s a habit,” Junghoon answered honestly. “People used to always tell me I wasn’t doing things right. I apologized a lot, so it stuck.”

 

It was just a simple explanation that captured the essence of what happened. It was worse than that but Junghoon didn’t want to talk about it with Jehyun. At least not now. It was an old wound, and he wasn’t about to open that wound with someone who he didn’t know was going to stay or go.

 

“Alright.” Jehyun answered simply, uninterested to continue. He went back to eating his cake.

 

The conversation had fallen flat again. Junghoon didn’t like how their conversations always ended this way. It’s frustrating, it felt like Junghoon was putting in the effort to speak to Jehyun, to reach out, only for the man to come out a few meters and retreat back into his own space. How could he ever make this work? Or this was just Jehyun’s way of pushing Junghoon away? So that Junghoon would feel frustrated enough to leave him of his own accord.

 

“Jehyun.” He called out to the person sitting across from him. Jehyun stopped eating right then, and gave Junghoon his full attention.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What do you think of me?”

 

Jehyun folded his arms on his shoulders. He was looking at Junghoon, but he didn’t say anything just yet. He was quiet for what felt like the longest time.

 

“You’re a great person, and I’m not saying this to comfort you. I’m sincere. You really are.” Jehyun stated, trying his best to half-smile at Junghoon.

 

“But what?” Junghoon raised a brow. “If that’s how you start your sentence, then it means there’s a ‘but..’ clause.”

 

“I can’t make you happy. I don’t think I’m capable of that.” Jehyun told him, painfully honest and holding his gaze. He could see in Jehyun’s eyes that he meant every single word he uttered in that moment. Junghoon wished he didn’t really mean that, not too much.

 

“I’m trying to save you the heartbreak, so I’m being frank. I can keep indulging you, Junghoon, but that would hurt you.”

  
  
  
  
  


Somehow, somehow, that made Junghoon laugh. It wasn’t because it was funny, but more because it was absurd. He placed the fork down on his plate, and looked at Jehyun. This was probably the most serious Junghoon ever felt in the past few weeks. He knew that this was just the first time he was out with Jehyun, and he shouldn’t be feeling so mad that Jehyun was trying to ‘save’ him. It wasn’t as if Jehyun was preaching that differently from Rubin just a few days ago. 

  
  


However, Junghoon couldn’t help but to feel that his frustrations had been piling up since the moment he saw Jehyun that October. He had been trying to reach out and put in his best effort, only for the door to be slammed shut in his face. In the few other instances that he tried to be honest, to talk to Jehyun and put himself out there, his heart on his sleeve and all of him for Jehyun to see, all he got was Jehyun coming out of his shell for a few moments before he shut himself back. Then, Jehyun would say things like these.

 

Junghoon was trying his best here but the other party didn’t even want to try.

 

“How can you say that to me, so easily? It’s not fair, don’t you think, to tell me that you don’t think it’s going to work when you don’t even try for me. I’m trying my best here, and I hope you would too. I know, I know, you don’t like me, but can’t you at least pretend to give it your best shot? Reply to my texts, maybe or talk to me first more or stop leaving our conversations hanging as if you’re that uninterested. You make it as if I’m another chore on your list, and despite your shitty effort, you dare to say in my face it doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t. I’m fucking doing the tango alone, man.”

 

Junghoon couldn’t believe he had the strength and audacity to say something like that to someone. Jehyun didn’t expect it too. He could only gape as Junghoon ran his mouth. Junghoon breathed loudly by the end of it and he wasn’t sure what to do now that he had confessed his pent up frustrations. Jehyun still remained quiet, so Junghoon figured he wasn’t going to wait any longer.

 

He rose from his seat, grabbing his bag. “I made this decision though, to still look your way when you don’t like me. Maybe this is the consequence I had to accept, and I accept it even if it hurts. So call me a fool then.” 

  
  
  
  


He rushed out of the cafe, his legs moving as fast as they could down the street. Now that he was no longer within Jehyun’s sight, Junghoon felt that he had the space to let out his feelings in other ways. He didn’t hold back anymore. Junghoon stopped walking after a few hundred meters. He instinctively fell down to his knees on the pavement, he didn’t give a fuck how many people were passing by.

 

And Junghoon just started crying. Heaving, sobbing, crying until his visions were blurry and he couldn’t see a thing. Until his chest felt painful, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He could feel the taste of his own tears, salty, in his mouth. His nose was running too. Junghoon was ugly when he cried, he could imagine how awful he looked right now. God knew how long he was on his knees like a beggar, crying his heart out. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Junghoon heard someone say to him, a voice that came out of nowhere while he was still a crying mess. He tried his best to wipe his tears to see who had came up to him. He saw, through his glassy vision, Jehyun kneeling in front of him. He held Junghoon’s face between the palms of his hands with an apologetic expression on his face.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Jehyun repeated, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe Junghoon’s stray tears. Junghoon was, to say the least, confused and he was even hiccupping.

 

“Why are you here, I thought I left you at the cafe.” Junghoon managed to choke out in his unstable voice.

 

“I...I didn’t think you were gonna be fine. It took me a few minutes before I decided to come out and look for you.” Jehyun replied, now holding Junghoon in his arms though they were both still kneeling on the pavement.

 

“How’d you spot me?”

 

“I don’t think there was anyone else crying on the street while wearing a plaid shirt, except for you.” 

 

Junghoon broke into a smile. “Why are you so honest? That makes me sound like a madman.”

 

Jehyun smiled back at him. “Well, I’m sorry.”

 

“I want to tell you that you’re right. I really wasn’t trying and it’s my own personal decision. Well, I’ll try better, but there’s no guarantee yet. You know that, right?” Jehyun said, after a few seconds.

 

Junghoon nodded, sniffling, wiping his runny nose with the heel of his hand.Jehyun helped him to stand again, so they were at full height, facing each other. Junghoon stared down at both their feets, unsure of what to say. Jehyun said something to him first, though.

  
  


“When is your birthday? Mine is April 20th. I thought you should know.”

  
  


Junghoon raised his eyes, and saw Jehyun’s face getting red for the first time ever. He let out a laugh, but shut his mouth soon enough. Jehyun was smiling too. He had both his hands behind his back, and leaned in closer to Junghoon’s face, “Would you tell me when is your birthday?”

 

“J-June 4th. It just passed, two weeks ago.” 

 

“Okay, I’ll remember that,” Jehyun said, and Junghoon watched as Jehyun’s hands slowly moved to arrange his hair. “I should send you home. Can I send you home today?”

 

Junghoon nodded. 

 

Jehyun walked with Junghoon, taking the route back to Junghoon’s shared apartment. But something felt different. When they walk, this time, it no longer felt like Junghoon was separate from Jehyun, at least not so much. There was still a gap between them, and maybe that was a distance Junghoon couldn’t close ever, but knowing that they would be slightly closer now, meant that Junghoon stood a chance. An actual fighting chance. 

 

Jehyun was actually trying. If it didn’t work out in the end, Junghoon guessed he wouldn’t be such an angry twat. 


	6. SIX

Memories were rarely accurate. What we thought was correct could be wrong, as we remember them the way we would have wanted to; beautiful and significant, traumatizing and menacing. The fractured state of our minds as well as the role of emotions when it came to remembering things affected the way memories were shaped. Sometimes, two people could recall the same incident in completely opposite ways. That was what Junghoon felt when he thought of the evening Jehyun sent him home.

 

He’d cry so much, he could feel his eyes were swollen, puffy and his runny nose hadn’t entirely subsided. Junghoon was sure he looked like an absolute mess of a person on the subway ride home. He tried not to seem so needy though. Jehyun, however, stood as close as he could to Junghoon on the subway despite the crowd during the rush hour. His hand, those pretty, slim fingers, find their way to Junghoon’s. He didn’t clasp his fingers with Junghoon, but he placed them over his own, making a reassuring circle with his thumb. 

 

Junghoon, at the time, found himself frozen in motion. He thought he’d feel adrenaline rush if Jehyun touched him or just straight up watch his own heart jump out of his chest. Instead, the only sensation that encapsulated him was comfort. Comfort and warmth. Yet that still didn’t change the fact that Junghoon was genuinely surprised ‘till he couldn’t say anything or react. Jehyun then said to him, “You should drink warm water for the runny nose when you get back.”

 

He could only give a simple nod. Junghoon wondered if Jehyun had looked over at him, maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, Junghoon’s memory couldn’t accurately remember that. What he did recall clear as day after Jehyun uttered those words to him, was that they were one station away from their destination when he asked Moon Jehyun, “Is this you trying?”

 

Jehyun didn’t take forever to answer this time. 

 

“Yes. This is me trying, but you will have to understand that I need to take my time, alright?”

 

“Alright.”

  
  
When it came to inaccurate, unreliable human memories, Junghoon remembered the end of that day as the moment Jehyun opened up to him. It wasn’t the kind of ‘open up’ where someone sat down and told you all about their past and what their future was. Junghoon still had no clue of Jehyun’s past, let alone his present and the future he was curating. But at the very least, he could be sure that Jehyun was becoming more accessible to him, and he could dip his toes into the bottomless ocean of this person. Junghoon remembered Jehyun’s warmth on that day, and how he laced his pinky with the other man without him flinching.

 

How Moon Jehyun remembered Lee Junghoon though, was beyond his knowledge. If anything, he hoped that Jehyun would think of him with the same fondness. He hoped that his image and memories weren’t fractured, that he wasn’t seeing it through his own looking glass; that maybe some love was possible between them and they could both agree on that in their own heads.

 

______

 

After a moment like that, Junghoon guessed it only made sense for both of them to have their own space. He decided not to latch on Jehyun too much, to take it slow. He didn’t spam text him like he used to, instead sending a few messages a day or replying if Jehyun decided to text first - asking him about his day, what his favourite colour was or if he ate lunch already. They were taking it a day at a time, and it was something that happened naturally without the need for a complex verbal discussion. It felt much better, though, to not be so obsessed over a person. Junghoon sort of felt like he lost himself for a little while when he had his world revolved around Jehyun too much, and now he got some of him back.

 

Rubin  too, seemed to like it better that Junghoon hadn’t mope about Jehyun a lot or talk about him all the time. He didn’t make any snarky comment but with Rubin, action always speaks louder than words.

 

“There’s more to life than just love after all, right?” Rubin said, drinking his morning coffee on a sunny Monday, while Junghoon sat cross-legged on the floor, eating his breakfast in front of the TV.

 

“Yeah, I’ll give you that. You’re right.”

 

“You’re still a little hung up on him though?” Rubin continued, yet to drop the issue, always able to decipher the things that Junghoon was going through so easily.

 

  
“I don’t know, really, I think I am” Junghoon relayed honestly, turning to Rubin who now settled on their living room sofa. “It’s like a mixed, scared feeling.”

 

“I’m going to need more details, baby boy. Tell me.” His cousin conceded in his most diva-like voice, making Junghoon laughed. Rubin smiled widely while he lowered himself to sit on the floor next to Junghoon.

 

“It’s like, I still like him, hyung, but…” Junghoon trailed off for a moment. But what? Even he himself wasn’t sure about his feelings. He still harboured emotions, that was easy to see even for him, foolish as he was when it came to love. What Junghoon wasn’t entirely sure of was whether all this waiting would be fruitful. He’d never waited for anyone like this before.

 

“But it’s like, what if, after I give him space and we take our sweet time, he still doesn’t like me back? What then? All my time spent on someone - poof! That scares me, Rubin hyung.” Junghoon aired his thoughts openly, uncharacteristically vulnerable with Rubin.

 

Rubin pursed his lips together, putting away his cup on the table. He obviously was giving the situation some thought before saying anything to the younger one.His cousin scratched the side of his head for a few seconds before he meet Junghoon’s face again.

 

“Love is like that, Junghoon. It’s like taking a leap of faith. The truth is, we’ll never know what goes on in someone else’s head so our best bet is to just go, fuck it and see where it goes. If it works out, it does.”

 

“And if it doesn’t?” Junghoon continued for Rubin.

 

“If it doesn’t, we’ll live with it. You’ll have a broken heart, but who doesn’t? The people who never had their heart broken probably never really loved anyone.” Rubin told him, offering a faint smile by the end of it. It was at times like these that Junghoon would see the maturity and experience that Lee Rubin had but hid underneath the veneer of a child-like person. 

 

Junghoon nodded in both assent and agreement. He wouldn’t say the fear of the future, of how this might end, had entirely left him but he could sense some relief in him. Rubin didn’t say anything after, he simply got up, took his cup and went back to the kitchen. While his cousin went off to get ready for work, Junghoon was left to his own devices. He looked outside at the sky from the window, the vast space there, the birds flying every now and then. How come he didn’t see that the sky was the bluest it had ever been in weeks? The clouds moving in a steady pace across the sky. He could have drawn on that sky. The sky was like a canvas and the only face Junghoon could draw with his eyes was Moon Jehyun’s.

 

_______

 

Jehyun called Junghoon while he was in one of his lectures. He didn’t expect to receive a call, because Jehyun never called him before, he always texted. Junghoon wasn’t sure why Jehyun shied away from calling but he didn’t press further. Junghoon really wasn’t in a position to be answering the call now though, so he let it go unanswered and get on with his lecture. He thought he’d call back after the class end in another half an hour.

 

“Who’s Flowery Jehyun?” 

 

Junghoon turned his head to see Youngmin, who now dyed his hair orange, glancing at his phone screen. His coursemate raised his eyes to meet Junghoon’s with a curious expression. Junghoon sighed, shaking his head.

 

“No one.”

 

“Are you sure? This person has called you twice.” Youngmin added, a naughty smile playing on his lips. “It can’t be just  _ no one _ .” He nudged Junghoon’s side, but he still refused to even give Youngmin a glance let alone answer him. 

 

Youngmin scoffed, making a ‘tsk’ sound. “You’re always keeping secrets from me. Don’t you trust me a little?”

 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just I don’t talk about what goes on in my life with  _ anyone. _ It’s not personal, Youngmin.” Junghoon replied, this time focusing his gaze on his friend and while this conversation transpired, his phone’s screen flashed once more, Jehyun’s name on it.

  
  
Now, Junghoon was quite concerned as to why Jehyun was calling him multiple times. It was odd and completely out of character of Jehyun to do so. He grabbed his phone from the surface of the desk, debating whether to answer the call while his professor was giving a lecture. He kicked the side of Youngmin’s legs, and his coursemate looked over at him, raising a brow, wondering why’d he do that.

 

“Is it okay to answer my phone?” Junghoon blurted out, and he saw Youngmin roll his eyes. 

 

“There’s hundreds of us in here, do you think he gives a flip if one guy took a call?” Youngmin replied, making a ‘duh’ gesture with his hand as if to indicate that it was a non-issue to begin with. He then went back to browsing the learning material on his laptop.

 

Junghoon eyed his professor for a few seconds before he took Jehyun’s call, pushing the phone closer to his ear. He decided to duck his head a little while talking on the phone.

 

“Hello, Jehyun. Why are you calling me? I’ve got class now.” 

 

“Really? I guess I’ll call back.” Jehyun said on the other end, and though it was Jehyun’s voice he heard - he should recognize it by now - something was off. Junghoon knew that Jehyun always sounded monotonous, and that at times he would sound gentle and warm. But now, Jehyun just sounded  _ small _ . As if something happened and his first instinct had been to call Junghoon.

 

Junghoon immediately said, “No, don’t. I’ve already answered, so you might as well just tell me why you called, right?”

 

There was a silence on the line before Junghoon could hear Jehyun’s voice again. “Fair enough.”

 

“What is it, Jehyun? I’m listening to you.”

 

“I just wanted to tell you that I want to see you, later. If you have time to come by the shop.” 

 

“You could have texted,” Junghoon interjected stupidly. He wanted to punch himself for saying that, realising the stupidity of it after the words left his lips.

 

He could hear Jehyun let out a laugh, maybe snickering on the other end. “I know. But I wanted to hear your voice. I haven’t seen you in a long time.

 

“Jehyun, I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but is something wrong?” Junghoon asked the thought that crossed his mind earlier. Even though Jehyun let out laugh, he still seemed weird. Junghoon wanted to know what was on his mind - if Jehyun would trust him enough to talk about it. The florist did not reply, so Junghoon tried coaxing him further.

 

“I want to know. You can tell me.”

 

He heard Jehyun sigh. Whether it was out of relief or anything, he couldn’t be sure. Perhaps a heaviness had really been lifted from Jehyun’s mind, as his voice became clearer when he spoke again.

 

“Today is not a happy day for me, Junghoon. I always want to be alone on this day, and I always have been, for a long time.”

 

“Oh...but you want me to see you, even though you’re usually on your own today?”

 

Junghoon could hear the sound of Jehyun’s ragged breathing. It was loud with the phone so close to his ear. He didn’t try to push it out of the florist, so he simply listened without a single word. Sometimes, the best you could do for other people was to shut your mouth and let them take their time. 

 

“Well, I don’t want to be alone today...and I thought of you. Actually, it was more like I want to see you because you’re the first person who came to my mind.” Jehyun blurted out, after an interval of silence, in an extremely low voice. “I don’t want to think about what makes me sad today.”

 

He didn’t answer to Jehyun instantly. Junghoon had to process, for a few seconds, that in this exact moment, Moon Jehyun was lowering his guards. He was displaying himself in a moment of weakness to Junghoon, and he might not have thought this through since he decided to reach out Junghoon on a whim. Jehyun chose to be vulnerable to Junghoon, and what Junghoon make of it could be the deciding factor - if Jehyun would want to give away his heart to Junghoon or not.

 

“You know what, I’ll come by as soon as class ends, I  _ promise _ .” Junghoon responded, hearing his own voice sound tender. 

 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you. Get back to your lecture.” Jehyun answered back with a steadier tone. Was it strange for Junghoon to claim that he swore he could imagine Jehyun somewhat smiling as he uttered those words into the speaker? 

 

Junghoon ended the conversation, placing his phone back on the desk. He tried his best to get back into his study mode, to re-focus on what was going on in the hall. Yet all Junghoon could hear were mere sounds, just voices. He wasn’t really processing the words. It was like they weren’t getting through to him. Instead, the only thing on Junghoon’s mind was how Jehyun was doing at the shop and what was it about today that could have him rendered him that way. Junghoon had questions that desperately needed answers in his head.

 

There was no way he could focus on his class after that call.

 

_______

 

Once the lecture ended, Junghoon hurriedly packed his bags. He didn’t even say goodbye to anyone, he simply made haste. He was in such a rush to get to Jehyun, that he forgo his usual walk through the park and made a run for the subway station. He wanted to get on as soon as he could so he could get to the shop. Junghoon was aware that Jehyun could wait and probably didn’t mind him taking his time, but this was the first time that Jehyun needed him - that anyone needed him at all, to be frank. Junghoon wanted to be there.

 

Junghoon arrived at the flower shop after twenty minutes, pushing the door to the shop open. He saw the ‘closed’ sign hanging on the door and wondered why, since Jehyun was inside the shop, standing among the flowers. He was clearly arranging a bouquet on the preparation counter. Junghoon’s rather noisy entrance forced Jehyun to raise his head and momentarily stop what he was doing. He smiled upon seeing Junghoon, who was sweating buckets from how much he rushed to get there.

 

“You didn’t have to run until you sweat, you know,” Jehyun started, placing down his wrapping equipments. He folded his arms on his chest, looking at Junghoon. He noticed that Jehyun was dressed in a black suit over his usual white dress shirt. He must have used a stronger cologne too, because he smelled different. The scent was strong enough for Junghoon to register it even from a distance. 

“I wanted to, because you didn’t sound so well on the phone.” Junghoon relayed honestly, still trying to catch his breath. “Are you alright?”

 

Jehyun pressed his lips together, hiding his hands in his pockets. He looked down at the bouquet of - what was that? - on the preparation counter for a moment. 

 

“Those are chrysanthemums, Junghoon. You didn’t know what that is, right?” Jehyun said all of a sudden, now fixing his eyes on Junghoon who continued to stand there, clueless. He didn’t answer, so he nodded and saw Jehyun bobbed his head slightly. He took the chrysanthemum bouquet from the counter although they weren’t properly wrapped yet, and made his way to Junghoon. Standing in full height in front of him, Moon Jehyun brought the flower towards him, so much that the flower became the item that separated them from each other.

 

“Chrysanthemums are grief flowers.”

 

Junghoon wasn’t sure if he was getting the hang of this. He tried to search Jehyun’s eyes to see a flicker of an answer, but all he saw was just a melancholy hidden behind attempts at normalcy. He tried to make sense of why Jehyun would prepare a flower meant for funerals on this day - was it a death anniversary? If so, who died? His parents? The fact that Jehyun wore a black suit reaffirmed that it really did mean it could have been a death anniversary.

 

“Did someone pass away today?” Junghoon mustered the courage to ask, peering at Jehyun, half-avoiding the man’s eyes as well.

 

Jehyun dropped his hand, holding the flower by his left side. He answered, “Yes, someone I cared about a lot.”

 

Junghoon think his countenance might have given away how sorry he was. He wanted to say ‘condolences’ but he wasn’t sure if he should, so chose not to say anything in return. Jehyun didn’t seem to mind it though, since he continued where he left off soon enough.

 

“I went to this person’s resting place today, like I do every year. I usually would sit alone after I see him, because it’s suffocating to see other people.”

 

“But you don’t want to be alone today.” Junghoon continued, and Jehyun nodded.

 

“You don’t have to do anything. I just want you to sit and accompany me here.”

 

Junghoon understood what was it that Jehyun needed. Just someone to make sure he was okay by the end of it all. But Junghoon wanted to know about this person that Jehyun cared for, and he wondered if Jehyun would tell him. Perhaps that person was like an old wound, just like Junghoon’s past that resulted in his apologizing habit. Opening that wound could mean reliving that pain and forcing oneself to remember what one would rather erase from memory forever, yet couldn’t. He’d understand if Jehyun wouldn’t want to talk about it, but Junghoon didn’t come all the way here for his curiosity and desire to know about Jehyun’s past to not be satiated.

 

He reached out his own unsure hand to hold Jehyun’s other hand. This time, Jehyun allowed their fingers to be entwined and he saw the way Jehyun looked down at their hands, as if he was experiencing the act of holding another person’s hands again for the first time in a long time. 

 

Junghoon felt quite apprehensive about asking, but he put on a brave mask. “It might be hard, but you know you can talk about with me. I want you to tell me about this person. Maybe get it off your chest, you know.”

 

Jehyun half-smiled sadly, as he captured Junghon’s gaze. “It’s not a beautiful story.”

 

“It’s not like I have any beautiful stories of my own to tell either. We’re not saints, our stories are probably tragic.” Junghoon tried to make the situation lighthearted, hoping to elicit a positive response.

 

It worked, because Jehyun’s lips broke into a genuine smile. “I’ll tell you soon enough. Just stay with me first.”

 

Junghoon guessed that he couldn’t force it out of Jehyun immediately. That’s okay, he thought. Jehyun had his own clock, perhaps he needed some getting used to before he could talk about it. If he said he would, then Junghoon hoped he actually would, even if that meant Junghoon had to stay by his side silently for hours or hold him if need be. He’ll just patiently wait for Moon Jehyun to come to him.

  
  
He didn’t protest or talked back about it to Jehyun, allowing the older of the two to bring Junghoon to the back of the shop where apparently, Jehyun had a sofa bed available at the corner of the pantry. Junghoon plopped himself on the sofa bed but Jehyun didn’t. He stared at Junghoon and the sight of someone Junghoon liked staring him down made Junghoon blush. He avoided Jehyun’s eyes, choosing to look at anything in the pantry except for Moon Jehyun’s face.

 

Jehyun, after staring at Junghoon for a few seconds, settled himself beside Junghoon on the sofa bed. He suddenly lied down, resting his head on Junghoon’s lap, his body in a foetal position. The unexpected action by Jehyun caught Junghoon off guard, and he wasn’t sure what to do with Jehyun on his lap. He was flustered, excited and shy all at the same time. He was about to ask Jehyun what was the reason for this when he beat Junghoon to it first.

 

“Let me sleep on your lap for a bit, Junghoon. Do me a favour, okay. When I wake up, I’ll tell you about it.”

 

Junghoon didn’t reply. Instead he found his fingers tangled in Jehyun’s hair, stroking it tenderly until he was sure Jehyun had fallen asleep. Junghoon didn’t know how long Jehyun would sleep, but if sleeping would put his sadness and exhaustion to rest, then Junghoon would let him sleep as long as he needed. They still have all the time in the world today. The both of them could stay in this pantry, take their time and tell stories while the world kept moving. 

 

The world could go on without Lee Junghoon and Moon Jehyun today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't kill me for the cliffhanger djhkks it's just that the chapter got tOO LONG so i decided to separate it into two chapters. the otehr half will be in the next one I'M SOWEE


	7. SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ This is the continuation of C6, so it's more focused on that. It's not as long too.
> 
> ++C8 will be written soon, and it will show more development between JeHoon!! <3

Junghoon must have fallen asleep as well while Jehyun was rested well on his lap. He was roused to consciousness when he felt a warm touch on his hand. Junghoon opened his eyes, his neck stiff and his entire body demanding to be stretched. It sure as hell wasn’t comfortable to fall asleep sitting. His state of mind was absolutely hazy, yet Junghoon could see that Jehyun was awake. It seemed to him that Jehyun had been awake for quite some time.

 

“Did I wake you up?” Jehyun immediately asked when he felt Junghoon move. Junghoon looked down to see Jehyun staring up at him, his demeanour calm and his eyes filled with care. He shook his head, still feeling quite cloudy and his mouth a bit too heavy to be answering back. Plus, Junghoon didn’t like that he could possibly be having bad breath after sleeping. It took Junghoon a few moments to full register the reality that Jehyun was holding his hand while Junghoon’s arms protectively laid over Jehyun’s chest. 

 

“I should probably get up, your thigh must be sore.” Jehyun remarked, lifting his head from Junghoon’s lap. He realized he immediately missed Jehyun’s warmth when the florist decided to get up and sit next to him instead. Although the proximity wasn’t big, Junghoon felt that he liked it better when Jehyun was so close to him that he could feel the heat emanating from Jehyun’s body. 

 

“Did you sleep well?” Junghoon asked, turning over to look at Jehyun. He noticed how messy Jehyun’s hair was, the way his hair stuck out in different directions, his now unkempt dress shirt underneath the suit. Somehow, the sight felt intimate. Personal. This was the first time Junghoon was seeing Jehyun in such a less put together state, and it felt like a privilege. 

 

Jehyun bobbed his head to indicate a ‘yes’. He sat cross-legged on the sofa, shifting his position to face Junghoon who was beside him. Jehyun cocked his head to the side, his lips etching into a tender smile. Junghoon simply stared back at the florist with a confused expression. The way Jehyun would stare at him, with that darn smile, it made Junghoon felt someone flustered every single time. He could imagine just how flushed his cheeks were.

 

“Don’t stare at me so much, it’s very...it makes me feel shy,” Junghoon stated straightforwardly, tearing his gaze away from Jehyun, playing with his fingers nervously. He heard Jehyun scoff, but not in a condescending manner. It was more playful in nature.

 

There was a quiet interval right then. Unlike previously, wherein the silence between them felt heavy and uncomfortable, this time it simply felt cozy and pleasant. They were two people who could somehow understand each other’s silence, two people who finally felt at home with each other. A gap had been bridged, Junghoon was sure. There was progress between them.

 

“I loved someone very much once.” Jehyun began out of the blue, his voice steady but low. Junghoon raised his head, glancing at the man sitting beside him. He wasn’t dumb and knew that Jehyun was telling him the story of his past.

 

“Let me tell you a story about two boys: they met in middle school. Their names were Jinwoo and Flower. They were neighbours, and naturally, the two boys bonded. They did everything together, they grew up in front of each other’s eyes. Flower looked tough but he wasn’t really that strong, and Jinwoo was always there to protect him. Jinwoo would have done everything for Flower. Then, they became teenagers, and the boys were still together - same school, same class. They still did everything together. They were best friends, and I think both of them probably felt that they could not survive without the other. They were soulmates.”

 

Junghoon listened intently while Jehyun narrated. He noticed the way Jehyun’s demeanour lightened up when he spoke of the past. But Jehyun’s decision to tell his story in third person made Junghoon thought that it was a clear indication that something traumatic had happened. Telling the story as if it was another person’s life and not his own might have been Jehyun’s coping mechanism. So it didn’t hurt all too much. Still, Junghoon didn’t try to interject, allowing Jehyun to take his time and tell his story.

 

“Flower thought, ‘ah nothing in this world could ever separate us’. He didn’t think he would ever hate Jinwoo. How could anyone hate someone they have been together with for the longest time, right? But it turned out, you could. Flower didn’t realise it at first, but when Jinwoo started dating girls, something didn’t feel right.” Jehyun paused temporarily, gulping. Junghoon saw how his breathing seemed much ragged, as if it was too much for him to go on.

 

Junghoon reached out to touch Jehyun’s hands. He knew he was not in a position to actually say anything, so he merely held Jehyun’s hand, his thumb making soothing circular motions, just like Jehyun did for him in the subway. Junghoon could tell that even though Jehyun was telling the story in the most detached manner, it still affected him. Perhaps a lot more than Jehyun himself thought it would.

 

“Flower felt like there was a pain in his chest when he saw Jinwoo with other girls. He would learn, later on, that it was his heart breaking. He loved Jinwoo, but he was sure that Jinwoo would never look his way. It hurt but Flower didn’t want to lose Jinwoo, so he stayed by his side as his best friend. Anything was better than nothing, you could say. Flower was by Jinwoo’s side when Jinwoo experienced his first heartbreak from a breakup. He held Jinwoo tightly all night long, and helped him sobered up when he got drunk. It pained him to see Jinwoo like that because he knew he wouldn’t have done that to Jinwoo. But still, Flower was in no position to force himself and his feelings on Jinwoo. So he idly stood by his side as a loyal friend. Until he couldn’t take it anymore.”

 

Now, Junghoon could see that Jehyun wasn’t able to keep his emotions in check any longer. His ragged breathing was a clear indication that he was trying his utmost best to stop his tears from falling. Junghoon knew how much that sucked, and the best thing to do when you really couldn’t stop yourself from it, was to just let the tears come out. So he inched closer to Jehyun on the sofa bed and wrapped his arms around Jehyun’s slender frame. Gently placing Jehyun’s head on his shoulder, Junghoon caressed the florist’s head and whispered in his ears, “It’s okay, let it out. You can tell me what happens after you feel better.”

 

Jehyun nodded, his face buried in the crook of Junghoon’s neck. He could feel Jehyun’s breath on his neck and the fabric of his shirt getting wet. He didn’t complain, continuing to hold Jehyun in his arms. Jehyun, for the first time, encased Junghoon in his hold, his arms around Junghoon’s waist.

 

“Are you okay now?” Junghoon checked in on him. Jehyun was sniffling, but he nodded.

 

“Take your time to tell me, okay.”

 

Jehyun gathered himself for a few minutes more before he felt comfortable enough to continue where he left off. 

 

“Jinwoo got his heart broken again at twenty. Flower had to clean up after his mess again, just like he did many times before. He wanted to be there for Jinwoo, but he was also getting sick of the fact that Jinwoo wasn’t seeing him, you know? He thought, ‘I’ve been here all along, doesn’t he see my heart?’. Flower gathered as much courage as he could, he wanted to tell Jinwoo about his feelings after his best friend had gotten over the breakup. Jinwoo got over it eventually, and Flower was a nervous wreck, but he told his tiny heart that it will be okay. So Flower told Jinwoo, ‘I like you, please look at me. There’s someone here who loves you very much’. But it didn’t turn out well.”

 

“Jinwoo rejected Flower?” Junghoon prompted, resting his cheeks on Jehyun’s head now.

 

“Worse,” Jehyun answered, followed by a sarcastic ‘tsk’ sound. “Jinwoo shunned Flower. He didn’t want to accept the feelings and felt so uncomfortable, he didn’t want to be friends with Flower. Can you imagine how much Flower’s heart broke?”

 

“He must have been in so much pain. I can’t imagine it, I’m not him but I think I have an idea of how much that would suck,” Junghoon attempted to make Jehyun laugh. The man didn’t laugh, but he did smile and that was enough for Junghoon.

 

Jehyun didn’t pause for too long, and continued, this time in first-person. “I was mad at Jinwoo. I could accept it if he said no, and we could still be friends. But he treated me like it was a sin to harbour feelings from him. My love for him turned to hate. By then, Jinwoo went to university while I took over this flower shop from my late father. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, until our high school had a dinner. That’s when I saw Jinwoo again for the first time. We didn’t talk until later into the night when I came out for a smoke - I used to smoke. Jinwoo was there too, and I still felt angry. I didn’t want to talk to him.”

 

Jehyun then untangled himself from Junghoon’s hold and he let Jehyun do so. The florist straightened himself up, and locked eyes with Junghoon. This time, Junghoon didn’t feel too flustered so he didn’t shy away from the gaze.

 

“To be honest with you, I don’t remember much from that night. I saw Jinwoo, I didn’t want to talk to him. I was sure I didn’t, but somehow I did manage to walk over to him. I can’t remember what I said, and I fucking hate that.” Jehyun swore for the first time, biting his lower lips.

 

“Whatever it was that I said or did, it made Jinwoo upset. He swore at me, said mean things that I never thought I’d hear from someone I cared about. It got heated, and without thinking too much, I said words I can never take back. And those were the last words he would ever hear from me - or even anyone for that matter - because Jinwoo never lived past twenty.”

 

Junghoon wasn’t sure what to make of that. Was he supposed to say condolences or what? He just held Jehyun’s hand tighter, and tried to speak. “Can I know what you said to him, the night he died, if it doesn’t hurt you to say it?”

 

“I told him I hated him. I said that our friendship was pointless, and he was just a cruel person who robbed my happiness. I said, ‘maybe I’ll be happy if you just died’. And he did die that night, in a hit-and-run at Yeonnam-dong while crossing the road.” Jehyun confessed, and as if he had held his breath for the longest time, he heaved out long, lonely sigh. Jehyun closed his eyes tightly, like he never wanted to open them again.

 

“You feel guilty about it,” Junghoon stated, even though it was obvious.

 

Jehyun didn’t open his eyes as he nodded. “I feel like I wished for his death, and it came true. The only problem was, I didn’t really mean those words and I’ll have to live with what I said. I loved him, and despite what he did, he always has a place here.”

 

Jehyun rested the palm of his hand on his chest. Junghoon understood right then, what could have made Jehyun so sentimental, why he was such a sad person. He carried a guilt with him everywhere he went, not knowing how to bury it entirely. It soon became a part of who he was, and Jehyun probably didn’t know how to live without that guilt anymore. Whoever Jinwoo was, he stamped his name on Jehyun’s heart and just thinking of how much Jehyun loved him, it made Junghoon wonder if Jehyun even had any love in him to spare for Junghoon.

 

“Junghoon,” Jehyun called out, and he pulled himself out of his self-pity thoughts. Jehyun was looking at him puffy eyed and all. “There is also a place for you here.”

 

Junghoon always said he  _ liked _ Moon Jehyun. He never used ‘love’ because ‘love’ was a strong word and one he didn’t use lightly. Saying ‘love’ meant commitment. However, in this moment, Junghoon was able to behold the man in front of him and think, he  _ loved _ Moon Jehyun.

 

And he said it out loud, for the first time. “I love you, Jehyun.”

 

He saw Jehyun’s demeanour softening, his eyes searching Junghoon’s own, as if to confirm if Junghoon meant what he said. Upon realising that Junghoon was indeed sincere with his declaration, Jehyun smiled sweetly. “I love you too.”

 

“Please don’t be sad anymore. I don’t like seeing you cry.” Junghoon said in a tiny voice, and he could see his own reflection in Jehyun’s eyes. Just how small he was. 

 

Jehyun merely smiled, reassuring him. “It’s not easy to get rid of that guilt, but I’ll try to. For you.”

 

Jehyun placed the palm of his hand on Junghoon’s cheeks, and he leaned into the warm touch. Jehyun always made him comfortable, like his favourite sweater on a cold autumn night. He never wanted to take this sweater off.

 

_______

  
  
  


Jehyun offered to take Junghoon out to have ice cream at a gelato store just a few blocks down the street. They’ve both done enough moping and crying for the day. Junghoon realised that things definitely have changed when Jehyun no longer walked at such a fast pace that Junghoon would end up trailing behind him. Instead, he walked briskly, matching his pace with Junghoon and being as close to him as possible in public.

 

When they finally sat down, Junghoon with his cookie n creams gelato and Jehyun with his mint chocolate chip gelato, Jehyunstated gingerly: “I guess this is our first date.”

 

Junghoon looked up from his cup of gelato, blinking a little too much as he had his gaze fixed on Jehyun. Jehyun didn’t say anything, eating his gelato with the widest smile Junghoon had ever seen him don. Junghoon knew this because Jehyun’s dimple popped out, which rarely happened. It almost felt rewarding to see him this way. Junghoon became acutely aware, all of a sudden, about how handsome Jehyun looked when he was much happier. He was resplendent when he was joyful and Junghoon hoped that he could always make Jehyun be this happy.

 

“Junghoon,” Jehyun said his name, and the truth was, Junghoon could never get used to how nice his boring name sounded when Jehyun said them. Whenever Jehyun uttered his name, it was magical. ‘Junghoon’ was, all of a sudden, the prettiest name in the whole wide world.

 

“Yes?” Junghoon replied, snapping himself out of thoughts.

 

“Do you want to tell me your story too?” Jehyun asked, raising a brow. “You must have something to tell me too.”

 

Junghoon shook his head, “Not today. Maybe next time. We’ve had enough sob stories to last a whole day. Let’s not talk about it.”

 

Jehyun nodded in assent, but he still reached his hand out to rest them on Junghoon’s. “Promise me you’ll tell me about it though?”

 

“I promise,” He smiled at Jehyun, and felt his boyfriend - was that accurate to say now? - squeezing his hand tight.

 

Junghoon knew what happy felt like. He had been happy before. But he just never experienced this kind of happy. This was the kind of elation that in itself made things better. He could feel the weariness of an entire day’s worth lifted from a simple contact on the skin. Junghoon was sure his heart was full right then, but most importantly whenever he fixed his eyes on Jehyun - the man he loved eating his gelato or taking quick, secret glances at Junghoon - every time he looked at Jehyun, he felt love manifesting itself in the man in front of him. Moon Jehyun was love, and knowing that he loved Junghoon back, was like waking up and realising that what he saw in his dreams was a reality.

 


	8. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ TWFB is going to end in a few chapters more!! heads up!  
> ++ I hope you guys love this <3

Junghoon walked out of his bedroom in the afternoon to see Rubin cuddling up to Sungho under a blanket while they were watching TV. His cousin had closed all the doors and turned on the air conditioning. It was so goddamn cold when Junghoon walked out, he would have believed that winter had arrived at his very own doorstep. Though he was still groggy with sleep, Junghoon managed to cross the distance to sit at the edge of the L-shaped sofa in the living room where the couple were being all cutesy together.

 

“Hey, Hoon!” Sungho greeted, glancing at him with his sweet smile. Junghoon nodded, waving it off. Despite having lived with Rubin for a couple of years now, Junghoon could never entirely get used to his cousin’s boyfriend popping up at their apartment at weird hours or even on days where Junghoon was sure the older man had work the morning after. It was crazy how Sungho managed to squeeze in time for Rubin, and vice versa though both had work to do.

 

“When did you get here?” Junghoon asked, looking over his shoulder at the couple. It was only then did he notice that Rubin was sleeping soundly, his head perched gently at the crook of Sungho’s neck.

 

“While you were asleep, about an hour ago,” Sungho answered straightforwardly. Junghoon pursed his lips, bobbing his head. His cousin’s boyfriend had always been someone who never beat around the bush, the dude was always straight up about anything.

 

He wouldn’t lie that he thought they were an odd pairing in the beginning. He wondered what was it that Sungho saw in Rubin that made him want to stay, and for so long too. Yet now that Junghoon himself was in love, finding himself doing foolish things and falling for someone who he didn’t think was his usual type too, he mused that love, like magic, worked in its own way. It wasn’t meant to make sense.

 

Junghoon got his mental dialogues to calm down and rose from the sofa. His throat was parched, he needed something to drink. He made his way to the open plan kitchen, grabbing the refrigerator handle and taking out his own bottle of plain water. Sungho was still visible to him at the living room, and it wasn’t too hard to hear that Sungho was asking him something from across the room.

 

“I heard you have a boyfriend now?” 

 

Junghoon still had the water in his mouth, and he didn’t know why talking about Jehyun to other people still made him feel awkward enough to nearly choke himself. He slammed the water bottle on the counter’s surface, coughing loudly. He didn’t need to look to know that Sungho was snickering at the sight of Junghoon acting as if he’d been caught stealing something. 

 

“Jeez, Sungho,” Junghoon managed to choke out in between, his fist hitting his chest. He glanced over to see a smile plastered on Sungho’s lips as he pretended to watch TV. Rubin was still fast asleep in his lover’s arms.

 

“Rubin told me about it.” Sungho added, like an afterthought. He knew the two cousins all too well and could anticipate their reactions. 

 

Junghoon kept the water bottle back in the refrigerator. He walked out of the kitchen, rolling his eyes. “I’m not surprised that his first instinct was to yap about it to you, to be honest.”

 

Sungho couldn’t stop himself, as Junghoon saw him let out a laugh. “I know right? I love him so much, even though he’s such a chatterbox and wouldn’t let me rest sometimes.”

 

“Ah, lovers.”

 

“As if you don’t have one of your own now,” Sungho teased, making a ‘tsk’ sound.

 

Junghoon found himself smiling a little at the remark. It was true, after all. Junghoon won’t look at Sungho and Rubin and think he wished it was him anymore. He wouldn’t get annoyed seeing other couples no more. All because he had someone he could call his own, someone he could lean on, someone he could do all those sweet things he saw other people do. He realized then, that love seemed annoying and pathetic when you were alone, unable to get your fill of it. But when you were the one in love, it was the most beautiful feeling in the world, and all you want to do, was to show how much you loved the person who was by your side.

 

“Gosh, you guys are so loud,” Rubin’s voice broke the silence in the room. He rubbed his eyes, blinking them a few times. He was obviously still thick with sleep.

 

Sungho reached his hand out to gently caress the side of Rubin’s face while Junghoon watched his cousin pouting, staring up at his boyfriend.

 

“Sorry, baby. Do you want to sleep in your room then?” Sungho asked, his tone much softer and tender.

 

Rubin shook his head, hiding his face at the crook of Sungho’s neck again. “Just stop being so noisy, it’s Sunday, let me sleep in peace.”

 

Sungho chuckled, his fingers deftly moving away the strands of hair on Rubin’s forehead. He leaned for a kiss on the forehead, then resting his cheek on top of Rubin’s head before closing his eyes. Junghoon smiled, because that reminded him of the moment he shared with Jehyun. 

 

Love looked like that.

 

_______

  
  


Jehyun called him on Friday night the week after while Junghoon was studying for his upcoming exams. He answered the call and found that Jehyun’s voice was like fresh air. He needed to hear the man’s voice after all, to feel better, and after not meeting him for a few days.

 

“Have you gone to bed, Junghoon?” Jehyun asked on the other end. Junghoon shook his head, but realised that Jehyun couldn’t see him.

 

“Of course not. If I was asleep, we wouldn’t be talking now, would we?”

 

“Now you’re being witty with me, is it?” Jehyun replied the banter good-naturedly. Junghoon couldn’t see him, but he could totally imagine Jehyun smiling widely ‘till his dimples showed. Damn, even that thought got Junghoon feeling some kinda thing.

 

“Sor- nah, I’m just teasing you.”

 

“You were gonna say ‘sorry’ again...You still haven’t told me why you have that habit.” Jehyun commented, observant enough to catch Junghoon’s near slip of the tongue.

 

Junghoon breathed out loudly. He knew he should open up to Jehyun too, about  _ that _ . But it never felt right, and he didn’t know just how to say it. Junghoon himself didn’t want to relive those years in high school. They were far from pretty. His youth was not at all a time he could look back on fondly. It made him feel weak and self-conscious to bring it up. He rarely even mentioned it to Rubin and Rubin was probably the closest person to him.

 

“I’ll tell you soon...Why are you calling me, though?” Junghoon immediately shifted the topic at hand. Jehyun wasn’t the most persistent but Junghoon knew he was curious. Still, he didn’t think he wanted to mull over it now.

 

Jehyun sounded as if he was chuckling on the other end, perhaps a bit nervous. He didn’t take such a long pause though, finding his voice soon enough. “I wanted to ask you out. If you have time, let’s go to Lotte World tomorrow.”

 

“Is this like, a date? And of course, yes, I have time.” Junghoon exclaimed, perhaps sounding too excited. Not that he cared, because he was, most definitely, excited. 

 

“It is,” Jehyun replied, laughing melodiously and God, Junghoon just loved his laugh. “I want to take you out properly. Like  _ lovers  _ do.”

 

“We’re... _ officially lovers _ ?” Junghoon heard himself asking back with an uncertainty glazing his tone. He was definitely happy at what Jehyun was saying but he needed to hear it said again. Just to be sure.

 

Jehyun replied, “We are. We’re adults, we don’t need any big proposal. If we’re both seeing the same blue, then we should both know, right?”

 

Junghoon muttered his agreement with a simple ‘yes’. How was Jehyun so mature? It wasn’t as if they had a big age difference to begin with. But perhaps their distinct experiences in life shaped them into two people who approached life in their own way. Maybe Moon Jehyun was about to be Lee Junghoon’s Jin Sungho.

 

“Anyways, you must be tired. I should let you sleep.” Jehyun said, and Junghoon could detect the caring nature of his voice. Maybe it was a good thing that Moon Jehyun wasn’t standing in front of him because Junghoon might have melted at the sound of that voice speaking to him like that.

 

“Yeah, I’m actually studying but I’ll sleep soon. Goodnight, Jehyun.” Junghoon said over the phone. He was still unable to call Jehyun anything other than ‘Jehyun’ because he wasn’t good at pet names for starters and Junghoon was a bit too shy to say it first. 

 

Clearly, when it came to that, Moon Jehyun and him weren’t on the same page. The man he could now call his own replied to him in a much more intimate manner. “Alright, goodnight. Don’t sleep too late. You’ll make me worry about you, honey.”

 

_ Honey. _

 

Junghoon could’t even react to that quickly because Jehyun, as if knowing that something like that would make Junghoon at loss for words, ended the call without missing a beat. He was literally just sitting there on his chair, mouth wide open and his phone still close to his ear. He couldn’t believe it - not only the word that just escaped Jehyun’s lips but the entire situation of being somebody’s someone.

 

And of course, he would actually be going for an amusement park date, the biggest dating cliche. In the past, Junghoon would have thought amusement park dates were absolute bore. What the hell was so romantic about a park people go to to have fun? After all, if you’re just gonna stick together with your partner, why were you even there in the first place? You could go on dates at a hundred other different places. But, alas, being in love changed his mindset. Especially when that proposal came from Moon Jehyun.

 

______

 

Junghoon tried to dress his best, a Hawaiian shirt tucked into his skinny jeans and a pair of checkered Vans. He wanted to look good without compromising his comfort. If he was a tad bit too ambitious with his fashion, he might end up sweating under his clothes or find going out in his clothes agonizing. His excitement probably shone through that morning, as Rubin wouldn’t stop teasing him when he was getting ready at the apartment. Usually, Junghoon would find it so unnecessary and annoying, but today, just today, he didn’t mind it. It wasn’t as if Rubin was wrong about Junghoon wanting to look prim and handsome for Jehyun. 

 

Junghoon also couldn’t stop himself from wondering how Jehyun would look today. He actually thought about it during the entire subway ride to Jamsil Station. He was indeed a mesh of giddiness and nervousness as he made his way to their intended meeting spot. The usual multiple line changes on the subway which was routine to him, suddenly felt tedious and it was as if it took forever to actually arrive at Jamsil Station. 

  
However, the long wait came to an end when he finally did make it to Jamsil Station. He could feel as if the butterflies he had seemed to contain, made itself present again. Junghoon couldn’t stop himself from feeling this mix of anxiousness and excitement. He tried to pull himself together as best he could, looking for the exit for Lotte World where Jehyun would be waiting for him. He had a hunch that Jehyun probably arrived here before he did.

 

Junghoon’s prediction was correct the moment he caught sight of his boyfriend’s silver hair in the crowd when he was coming up the escalator at the subway station. Jehyun was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans, making Junghoon realised this was not the usual outfit he would see Jehyun in. Every time they met up or if Junghoon dropped by Moon Garden, Jehyun was always in a dress shirt, usually white or beige, with a working apron on and busying himself with flowers. To see him don something more casual instantly made Jehyun seemed more youthful, not that he looked like an old man, it was just the clothes he wore.

 

Jehyun greeted him with the widest grin, his dimple showing. He didn’t seem to hesitate to embrace Junghoon in his arms upon seeing him walk up to him. Junghoon felt immensely happy to be in Jehyun’s arms. Somehow, over the past few weeks, home was no longer a place but a person named Moon Jehyun. To be in his embrace was like coming home after a long day out, and it sure had been long since they’ve seen each other. 

 

“I got the tickets for us online, so we don’t have to queue up.” Jehyun informed him as soon as he untangled himself from Junghoon. He showed Junghoon the QR code on his phone, as if to prove he really did buy it first.

 

“You didn’t have to. I’d feel bad for not paying for my own ticket,” Junghoon replied honestly. It was true that he rarely asked anyone to pay for him because he liked paying on his own.

 

Jehyun didn’t seem to care though as he brushed it off. They couldn’t hold hands, but Jehyun tried his best to stay close to Junghoon while they walked to Lotte World for their fun day together. While they were making their way there, Junghoon stole glances at Jehyun, noticing the happiness oozing out of him and most importantly, when Moon Jehyun smiled now, it reached his eyes. It meant he was truly happy whenever he smiled. Knowing that Junghoon helped put that grin on his face made his own heart flutter. 

 

He knew that the pain might not entirely be erased from Jehyun’s life. It will always be a part of him, but Junghoon wanted Jehyun to be as happy as he was right now on most days. Because it was the most dazzling sight Junghoon had ever seen.

 

_______

 

Junghoon admittedly wasn’t big on amusement parks but he could plainly see that Jehyun enjoyed them. It was as though being here had allowed for the childish side of his boyfriend to come out of the forest. He was enthusiastic about every ride he saw, whether it be tame or extreme ones, and wanted Junghoon to try them with him. This was probably the most alive he had ever seen Jehyun be, so he simply couldn’t refuse him.

 

“There, how about that one? Let’s go and try that!” Jehyun pointed at a rollercoaster ride, holding on to Junghoon’s arm like a small delighted child. Junghoon merely smiled at his lover’s antics.

 

“Sure. But let’s buy some snacks. I haven’t eaten since we arrived,” Junghoon told him, now being his turn to drag Jehyun to a snack bar for some Korean sausage stick. 

 

“I’ll pay for it,” Jehyun whispered in his ear as they placed the order but Junghoon playfully nudged his side.

 

“No, I will!”

 

“I will,” Jehyun said again, his tone playful and his lips cracking a smile.

 

“No, I am.” Junghoon retorted, quickly grabbing his wallet and paying for the snacks before Jehyun could even take out his money.

 

“I haven’t squabble over small, dumb things like this in a long time,” Jehyun told him as they moved over to a bench to eat their snacks, Junghoon carrying a paper bag with their drinks in it.

 

He smiled at what Jehyun just said. He knew what Jehyun meant by that, even more so after knowing how Jehyun had lived his life prior to this. Junghoon gave him a reassuring smile, handing over Jehyun’s drink to him. “I’m glad that I made you feel that way again.”

 

“I am too,” Jehyun replied, this time winking at him. Now, Junghoon couldn’t hide himself as his cheeks started to flush. Why on Earth he still couldn’t entirely get used to Jehyun’s playful side, which was more apparent these days, he had no idea. It still made him as shy as a maiden on her wedding night.

 

The both of them were having their own moment, as if it was their own romance drama, stealing glances at each other, peering over at the other person while they ate. The entire day couldn’t have gone better, for Junghoon. It made him feel so much joy, he didn’t want the day to end at the time. He could just look at Moon Jehyun all day long. That was until someone Junghoon much rather have thrown in the back burner, came up to him as he was taking a bite of his sausage.

 

“Excuse me, are you Lee Junghoon?”

 

Both Junghoon and Jehyun dropped whatever they were doing, looking at the person who had approached them. The male was slender and tall, perhaps almost of similar body type as Jehyun, only with much more chiseled jaw. He was dressed as though he had a photoshoot going on, a gorgeous girl hanging by his side, their arms linked.

 

“It’s you right, Junghoon? Don’t you remember me?”

 

Junghoon did remember him. The guy was a stuff of nightmare back in high school. Though he did seem to present himself differently than in his younger years, those eyes didn’t change and Junghoon recognized him on sight. He wished he didn’t though. Junghoon knew that this wasn’t high school anymore, so he could ignore this man if he wanted to. He nearly did, breaking eye contact and bringing his sausage back into his mouth.

 

But Moon Jehyun’s curiosity was piqued. He either didn’t see how Junghoon was tensing up or his curiosity got the best of him. Jehyun turned at the stranger and blatantly asked, “Who are you? How do you know Junghoon?”

 

“Ah, we were friends in high school!” the person said, clapping their hands together. He then proceeded to settle his hand on Junghoon’s shoulder, like the ‘good old days’. “He might not remember me, that’s okay. I’m Junho, by the way.”

  
  
Junghoon made a quick glimpse at Jehyun, and he saw his boyfriend looking straight at him. Perhaps Jehyun finally sensed Junghoon’s uncomfortable vibe. He was obviously trying to get Junho’s away from his shoulder anyway. Jehyun being Jehyun though, he wasn’t aggressive. Instead, Jehyun simply held out his hand for a handshake towards Junho.  

 

“I see, I’m Moon Jehyun, Junghoon’s friend.” Jehyun said, offering his brightest smile. Junho’s hand soon left his shoulder as he grabbed Jehyun’s hand instead. Junghoon let out a sigh of relief as low as possible. He didn’t want to make it obvious that he wanted Junho out of his eyesight soon. 

 

“Aren’t you here for a date?” Jehyun distracted Junho in a conversation, his eyes noting the girl beside Junho. “You should probably get going. You can catch up with Junghoon some other time, maybe at a school reunion.”

 

Junho seemed to agree with Jehyun. He exchanged a few more meaningless words with Jehyun before setting off for his date. Junghoon eyed Junho’s every movement until the man completely disappeared from his view. When he could no longer see Kang Junho in near vicinity, Junghoon shut his eyes tightly, resting the heel of his hands on his forehead. 

 

Jehyun reached out to him, taking Junghoon’s hands in his own, slowly removing them from Junghoon’s forehead. He cocked his head to the side, looking at Junghoon with a soft expression. Junghoon knew what Jehyun wanted to ask, but perhaps just like what Junghoon did for him, Jehyun didn’t force it out of him. He simply soothed Junghoon by humming a tune. He didn’t know what tune it was, but it was the most graceful sound in that place and calmed him. It made him feel like there was only him and Jehyun in this world.

 

They stayed like that for a while, not giving a fuck if people were staring at two guys holding hands on a bench, one of them humming. Junghoon felt himself relaxing, returning to his earlier state of normalcy. He wasn’t fearful anymore. He saw that Jehyun was still looking at their hands, and he did too. He loved how their hands fit into each other’s.

 

“I don’t like Junho.” Junghoon stated placidly. Jehyun stopped humming, lifting his head to face Junghoon. He was listening. “Junho is the reason I apologize all the time, even when I don’t do anything wrong.”

 

He saw Jehyun’s demeanour morph into a look of concern. His boyfriend leaned over to close the gap between them. Junghoon met his eyes, and to be able to see the worry in Jehyun’s eyes nearly made him cry. This was the first time another person other than his family had appeared immensely worried about him. 

 

“What did he do to you? I knew you weren’t okay with him touching you, I saw it.” Jehyun spoke to him, his tone caring whilst still being laced with genuine misgiving.

 

“I didn’t think I would tell you about it like this. We’re on our date.” Junghoon tried to avoid the subject, still feeling uneasy about discussing it.

 

“You know I want to know,” Jehyun conceded, again inching closer to catch Junghoon’s gaze. “I want to be there for you too, honey. Please tell me about it.”

 

Junghoon wasn’t sure still. He understood where Jehyun came from, because he was in that same position just a few weeks ago before Jehyun opened up to him. It occurred to him that if Jehyun could do that for him - tear open his old wounds - why couldn’t he do the same for Jehyun? Why was it too complicated for Junghoon to just spit it out?

 

He found himself merely opening and closing his mouth, like a fish out of water. He didn’t know how to word it. He didn’t want to seem fragile. But another glimpse into Jehyun’s pair of eyes, Junghoon knew it was selfish and unfair of him to keep retreating into his comfort zone instead of being frank about his own past to Jehyun.

 

“I’m not proud of it but...I was bullied a lot in high school. Kang Junho started it, he targeted me when I was in junior year. It sucked.” Junghoon confessed to Jehyun, forcing a faint smile.

 

“Why would he? You’re so...I don’t know what’s there to dislike about you.” Jehyun replied, clearly distressed about the entire thing. Junghoon hadn’t even told him everything yet, and he was already so bothered. Somehow that made Junghoon feel loved.

 

“I accidentally scraped his bicycle’s body when I was taking mine out. And look at me,” Junghoon sat up straighter, “I’m small. He wasn’t okay about it even though I apologised. Then, he just targeted me everyday. I became those ‘bread boys’, I bought his lunch, I gave him my money.”

 

“You didn’t fight back?” Jehyun interjected. Junghoon shook his head.

“He was scary back in high school, you should have seen him. I once tried talking back and all I got was a smack on the face. I stopped talking back, but he was still a devil. He once made me his ‘footrest’, or maybe a few more times.” Junghoon recalled, finding himself staring off into the past, at a distant point in life that he wished he never really went through.

 

Speaking of it made him feel self-conscious because he wasn’t able to defend himself. He was weak and feeble. He was the school’s ‘bread boy’ or ‘pikachu’. He was going around doing Junho’s errands, and if he messed up, he got a beating or had his wallet taken. High school sucked and it was hell. He never wanted to leave a place so badly until all the bullying started. The thing that irked Junghoon the most was the fact that nobody gave a fuck that he got hurt, and the people he called ‘friends’ disassociated himself the moment he became the punching bag. He became an outcast.

 

Junghoon snapped out of his thoughts. He shouldn’t mull about it, loading himself with self-pity. He glanced over at Jehyun, and instantly saw how red his boyfriend was. It wasn’t from shyness. It was from a seething emotion in him. Jehyun was holding his hands tighter now.

 

“If I knew this earlier, I wouldn’t have even let him talk to us, let alone touch you.”

 

“It’s okay. It was in the past.”

 

“Is that why you apologise so much? Because every time he was...he did  _ whatever _ ,” Jehyun was clearly trying to avoid the word ‘hit’, flinching slightly, “you had to...beg him for forgiveness?”

 

Junghoon hated to admit it, but that was exactly how it usually panned out with Kang Junho on their high school’s rooftop. That was the truth. He bit his lips, a little too much, before he said, “Yes, I’d ask him to forgive me. I say ‘I’m sorry’ a lot to him, even though it made no difference. He would still take a swing at me if he wanted to. He was just a masochist. Bit I always say sorry.”

 

He wasn’t expecting it, but Jehyun had managed to lean over and capture Junghoon in a hug. Junghoon was caught by surprise, it took him a few seconds before he entirely registered what was taking place. He slowly lifted his arms and wrapped them around Jehyun’s body. Jehyun’s embrace was warm as ever, and his boyfriend’s hand moved to soothingly caress the back of his head.

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you then. But from now, I’ll take care of you, Junghoon. Nobody will do that to you again.” Jehyun whispered, his soft lips brushing Junghoon’s ear.

 

Jehyun slowly let go of him again, but their hands are still clasped together. Junghoon felt a sudden surge of emotions right then. Moon Jehyun was the first person who had returned his feelings, but on top of that, Jehyun became the first person in Junghoon’s life who wanted to protect him. He never knew he wanted - needed - someone to want to protect him, until Jehyun said those words to him. He was overwhelmed by feelings of love and awe, that he too could be loved as much as that by another.

 

Suddenly, Junghoon just started crying on that bench. Obviously that made Jehyun panic, since he couldn’t read into Junghoon’s mind and figure out why he started crying out of nowhere. Moon Jehyun immediately got up from the bench and crouched in front of Junghoon, meeting his blurry gaze. Just like he did on the day Junghoon was crying out at the pavement.

 

“Oh my God, why are you crying?” Jehyun almost demanded, his voice panicky and worried.

 

Despite the fact that he was probably choking on his sobs, Junghoon still managed to say, in between his happy-sad sobs, “I love you so much.”

 

“Oh honey,” Jehyun relaxed, hanging his head down and suppressing a laugh, “I love you too. I thought you were upset about something.”

 

“N-no,” Junghoon answered back, stuttering and his voice faint. “Why w-would I be upset at you?”

 

Jehyun was beaming at him, resting his hand on Junghoon’s knee. “If we weren’t in such a public place, I’d kiss you right now.”

 

Junghoon could have kneed Moon Jehyun in the face for that remark, which made him feel shy. But he didn’t think he’d want that handsome face ruined, so he didn’t. Instead he just pushed Jehyun’s chest and his crouching boyfriend just tumbled over.

 

“Stop making me flustered,” Junghoon muttered, still crying like a baby.

_______

 

Jehyun wasn’t joking about the kissing part. They did kiss, later on, inside a photo booth while getting their picture taken. God knew how many coins Jehyun placed in order to get them the photo booth for longer than just three minutes. Jehyun was holding his hand as they strike a pose, Junghoon with his awkward peace sign and as the camera was about to flash, Jehyun stole a quick peck on the cheek.

 

Junghoon turned to face Jehyun, his countenance clearly displaying his bewilderment at what his boyfriend just did. Jehyun didn’t intend to wait for Junghoon to gape at him for the next few minutes, asking dumb questions like ‘what was that’, as he leaned in and captured Junghoon’s lips in a kiss.

 

Junghoon never imagined their first kiss, so he never really wondered what Jehyun’s lips would taste or feel like. Yet the moment he felt it on his own, he couldn’t help but to feel as though he melted into it. Jehyun’s lips were soft, tasting just like the strawberry juice he just drank before they got into the photo booth. As he was with nearly everything in life, Jehyun was delicate, one hand resting on Junghoon’s nape to hold him in place and another on his cheek. Junghoon was aware that he didn’t kiss much before, and so allowed Jehyun to guide him, reciprocating every movement. He circled his arms around Jehyun’s neck, kissing him back with every fiber of his being while the camera kept snapping pictures of them.

 

He almost felt out of breath  from kissing Jehyun, they barely took a breather until the camera stopped taking pictures. When Jehyun’s lips left his, Junghoon found himself staring into the eyes of the loveliest person in the world. Jehyun touched his forehead with Junghoon’s, breathing heavily. His fingers traced Junghoon’s face, touching his now swollen lips.

 

“I know we’ve both got excess baggage, and we’re not gonna suddenly get over it. I’m not going to immediately forget my guilt, and you’re not going to be able to erase your past just like that.” Jehyun’s hand moved from the tip of his chin to settle on Junghoon’s left chest. Junghoon placed his own hand over Jehyun’s.

 

“But we have someone to lean on now - each other. It’s going to be a long road, and we’ll have each other. Let’s be there for each other, honey, until we both get better. Grow together.”

 

Junghoon felt his lips quirk up into a sweet, shy smile. He nodded, holding Jehyun’s hand tighter - as tight as he could - and said, “Let’s make an effort for each other.”


	9. NINE [FINAL]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ This is the final chapter! I hope this has been a great journey for you as well. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! Kudos are much appreciated and they are encouraging <3 Lots of love!

It had been six months since they started dating. Summer turned to autumn, then winter. Junghoon couldn’t believe it himself, that they had stayed together that long. He knew six months was a short time for some people but it felt long for him, like six years. Maybe that was just in his head. What Junghoon was sure of, was that he had never felt this happy in his entire life until the day Moon Jehyun decided to come to him.

 

Swimming through past memories in his head - the first time they met, the first time they spoke more than three words to each other - they made Junghoon somewhat wistful. Who would have thought that something like this could happen to him? Not Junghoon himself, most definitely. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he waited for Jehyun inside a coffee shop in Dongdaemun. This was their first winter together, and they wanted to celebrate the end of the year together, waiting for the fireworks when the clock strikes midnight.

 

Rubin had offered for a double date with him and Sungho at Han River to celebrate the New Year, but Junghoon turned it down. He wanted to be with Jehyun only, as it would be their first New Year together. Rubin pulled a face and insisted on a double date the next time around and God, Junghoon swore he wouldn’t shut up until Sungho came by and silenced him - with a kiss, of course, how else?

 

He looked out the cafe’s window to see that winter was indeed in full swing. It snowed a couple of days ago, which made him somewhat sad that they couldn’t see the first snow together, but you could still see its leftover on the ground. It was crazy cold outside too, and Junghoon could see all the couples outside huddling close to each other, seeking warmth in each other. Somehow humans found the comfort of another better than a heater or an  _ ondol _ .

 

“Honey,” Junghoon turned around upon hearing the pet name. Jehyun beamed at him, his dimple showing while he settled in the seat across Junghoon. He was carrying a paper bag with him which he placed on the table. 

 

“Hey, you.” He replied, finding himself ultimately filled with joy from the simple sight of his boyfriend. Junghoon rested his chin on his hand, perhaps making it a little too obvious that he was looking at Jehyun all starry-eyed. But Jehyun was not as easily flustered as Junghoon. Instead, his boyfriend reached over to pinch his cheeks in jest before retracting to his side of the table again.

 

Junghoon’s hands slowly creeped up to take hold of the paper bag placed between them on the table. He didn’t check what was inside, his eyes instead peering over at Jehyun, as if to seek approval if whatever was in that bag was for him.

 

Jehyun sensed Junghoon’s thoughts, as he crossed his legs, leaning into his seat and nodded. Junghoon broke into a smile as he now grabbed the bag to check what’s in it.

 

“I haven’t given you anything for Christmas,” Jehyun said, as if to state his reasoning, “you made me a scrapbook of our pictures but I still haven’t given you anything and I thought flowers would have been too expected coming from me...but I’m not good at anything else so I bought those for you.”

 

Junghoon glanced inside the bag to see a gold box, along with several polaroid shots. He reached in to take the polaroids first. Junghoon carefully looked at the three polaroids and realised he had never seen any of them before. It wasn’t one of their pictures nor was it pictures of Junghoon in which he posed for Jehyun. They weren’t Jehyun pictures either. Instead, they were pictures of Junghoon while he slept - curled up on the sofa bed in Moon Garden’s pantry while wearing Jehyun’s oversized sweater, on Jehyun’s bed under heavy duvet and one in which Junghoon was sleeping upright on a train seat, maybe from their trip to Gangneung.

 

“I didn’t know you took pictures of me sleeping.” Junghoon said, raising his head to look at Jehyun. His boyfriend was now leaning forward on their tiny table, a tender grin plastered on that handsome face of his.

 

“You weren’t supposed to know,” Jehyun candidly replied with a hint of laughter, “I took them because I thought you look peaceful when you sleep. You’re handsome when you sleep.”

 

By now, Junghoon managed to get used to Jehyun’s straightforward compliments for the most part, but he still got shy sometimes. This was one of those times yet Junghoon returned Jehyun’s smile with his own. He looked at the pictures again, and wondered how much love did Jehyun feel when he took them. Junghoon mused that he really didn’t look too bad in the polaroids shot, except for the one on the train seat. He looked awful in that one, with his mouth almost half-opened.

 

“I wonder if you have more than these three, baby,” He raised a brow, glancing at Jehyun mischievously.

 

Jehyun made a zipping motion on his mouth. “Not telling you how many I have! Good luck figuring that out!”

 

Junghoon placed the polaroids on the table, finally taking hold of the gold box in the bag. He knew from sight that it looked like a ring box but he didn’t want to overthink it. It could be something else and not a ring that Jehyun gave him. Perhaps a button badge or a pin. A ring seemed like a bit of a stretch but he supposed a boy could dream. Somehow, opening the gold box made Junghoon more nervous than checking out the polaroids of him that Jehyun took.

 

It was almost as though Junghoon was holding his breath the entire time when he opened the gold box. Once he opened it, placing the lid aside on the table, Junghoon could see clear as day that in that box was indeed a silver ring. It seemed like a plain promise ring but that didn’t matter to him because he was overwhelmed by emotions upon seeing it.

 

“Is this like...a promise ring?” Junghoon heard himself asking, glancing over at Jehyun. He saw how Jehyun’s face expressed a sort of tenderness, his features calm and soft. His boyfriend reached over to pull Junghoon’s hand closer to him, while taking the ring from the box.

 

“I have it too,” Jehyun told him in a low voice, raising his right hand to show the same ring he already had on his ring finger. How come Junghoon didn’t notice it when Jehyun walked in earlier? He had absolutely no idea.

 

“It’s  _ our _ promise ring, look, I got our names engraved on it,” Jehyun told him, clearly enthusiastic about the rings. Junghoon slowly took the ring from Jehyun’s grasp and scrutinised it closer. He saw it right then, his name and Jehyun’s name engraved neatly on the ring, along with Jehyun’s pet name for him.

 

“It’s a bit cliche, but I guess we should both be a little cliche sometimes,” Jehyun added, followed by his cheery laughter. Junghoon had to agree with him there - this was an absolute cliche but weren’t all couples a bit of that. We all want to do what everyone else did, in the end. 

  
  
  
  


Junghoon couldn’t stop himself from grinning. He felt as though the muscles around his cheeks were starting to feel painful yet he couldn’t help it. He was so happy. Jehyun was still holding his hand, and his boyfriend asked Junghoon to give the ring to him. Jehyun slowly put on the ring for Junghoon on his ring finger. It almost seemed as though they just had their wedding in this coffee shop.

 

“It’s so pretty,” Junghoon muttered, unable to stop himself from ogling at the silver ring. This was just a promise ring, and Junghoon was already this overwhelmed. He couldn’t even begin to imagine had they exchanged wedding rings instead. He probably would have allowed himself to cry until snot came out of his nose.

 

“Take care of it, that’s my heart in that ring,” Jehyun teased him, before grabbing Junghoon’s cup of warm latte and sipping some of it. Junghoon rolled his eyes, playfully kicking Jehyun’s legs under the table.

 

He loved it when they were like this together. Jehyun being playful and sweet towards him, no longer cold and unapproachable and Junghoon feeling the most carefree whenever he had Jehyun by his side. It was as if there was only the two of them in this world.

 

_______   
  


 

“It’s a quarter past eleven now. Do you think we should go out and wait for the fireworks?” Jehyun asked, checking his wristwatch.

 

Junghoon looked around to see that a number of people had started to leave in order to wait for the fireworks. The new year was really coming soon, and it felt surreal to him. Time was like that, he thought. It felt like you have a lot of it in the beginning, but when you open your eyes, it was as though you’re suddenly already on the last day of the year. Junghoon knew that feeling all too well, and he himself had a funny thought that he started the year quite differently than how he was going to end it now.

 

Junghoon started the year alone, timid and unaware of what love was. He wasn’t sure if he was even capable of being on the receiving end of it. But here he was, ending the year with someone he loved, with bliss in his heart and feeling as though he could never have been loved as much as he was right now.

 

He glanced at Jehyun again. His boyfriend still had that questioning countenance regarding the earlier question. Junghoon merely offered his sweetest smile, nodding at Jehyun. “Let’s go now.”

 

They’ve never really held hands in public. It always made Junghoon felt somewhat insecure because of the stares they might get and people looking at them as though they were some alien species, not two people who were in love. He tried to minimize it, but it didn’t mean he didn’t crave to touch Jehyun’s hand. But  just this once, on the last day of this year, Junghoon thought that he did not want to care about what people think of him or Jehyun. He was, after all, in love with Jehyun not other people.

 

So when they started to make their way to leave the cafe, Junghoon quietly slipped next to Jehyun, touching his lover’s hand. Jehyun paused in his tracks momentarily, quickly gazing over at Junghoon, his eyes searching, as if to confirm that Junghoon indeed wanted to hold his hand in public. It was because Jehyun, more than anyone else, knew how Junghoon felt about showing their affection publicly. Junghoon met his boyfriend’s eyes, a smile etched on his lips along with a nod. Jehyun returned the smile and gladly took Junghoon’s hand in his, interlocking their fingers.

 

“You’re not scared anymore?” Jehyun asked, as they stepped out hand in hand into the cold weather outside. The crisp chilliness of the weather could have reached to the bones, and Junghoon didn’t think he liked it much but a warm reminder from their skin contact made the chilly weather bearable. 

 

Junghoon shook his head, choosing not to say a word. Jehyun understood him well enough by now. They walked hand in hand towards the Design Plaza, hoping to see the fireworks from within the LED rose park but as they made their way there, though Junghoon tried to be brave, he couldn’t shake off the fact that there were people looking.

 

Jehyun noticed Junghoon’s eyes, which darted around ever so often. “Do you want me to let go?”

 

“What?”

 

“I know you don’t like people looking at us, so...it’s okay to not hold my hand. We can still see the fireworks together .” Jehyun assured him, his voice gentle. Junghoon could feel Jehyun’s grip on his hand loosening but Junghoon found that he did not want him to let go so he held Jehyun’s hand tighter.

 

“No, Jehyun,” Junghoon shook his head, “we’re celebrating New Year’s together for the first time. I don’t want to celebrate it without holding your hand.”

 

Jehyun grinned at him, tightening his hold on Junghoon’s hand as well. “If you say so, honey.”

 

Despite the few people that turned around to stare, as if doing a double-check they were actually seeing two men holding each other’s hands, Junghoon decided not to mind it. It wasn’t their business and they were like any other lovers - nothing strange. He didn’t mind Jehyun even taking his hand to place them inside Jehyun’s coat pocket when he saw that Junghoon’s hand was shivering slightly. 

 

It was like a thing of magic to be loved, and to be able to do so freely. 

 

_______

 

The LED roses in the Design Plaza were beautiful as they lit up the field. It almost seemed as though they were real flowers, not fake ones made of LED lights. There was a crowd there, taking photos with the flowers in the background or just couples cozying up to each other, waiting for the fireworks and the beginning of a new year.

 

Junghoon and Jehyun found themselves standing by the wall of a stone arch, leaning onto it with their fingers still interlocked. They still had a few minutes before midnight, and as if to usher the new year, Junghoon saw how the sky was dotted with bright, shiny stars. It occurred to him that such a view was rare in a city like Seoul, wherein skyscrapers filled the skyline more than nature’s diamonds.

 

“The stars are bright tonight, don’t you think?” Jehyun began, as if he just read Junghoon’s mind. His boyfriend looked over to his side, raising a brow.

 

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them as bright as tonight. It’s always dull.”

 

“The year is going to start off well,” Jehyun said, pausing for a few seconds before continuing, “Junghoon, did you know that it never crossed my mind that I could feel anything again?”

 

“I know,” Junghoon answered, because that's the truth. He did know. For someone like Jehyun, perhaps the simple idea of feeling anything remotely close to love again was unthought of. The old Jehyun closed himself from the world.

 

“Of course, you do,” Jehyun snickered, nodding somewhat. “But ...I really did think I was gonna live my entire life alone.”

 

Now it was Junghoon’s turn to allow himself a faint smile. “What changed?”

 

Jehyun caressed Junghoon’s knuckles with his thumb while his eyes were fixated on the sky hanging above the both of them. The dark, dark sky whose only lights were the stars, like piercings in the sky. Jehyun seemed to be contemplating for a moment, perhaps gathering his thoughts carefully before saying anything. Junghoon simply waited patiently, naturally inclined to rest his cheek on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

 

“You came into my world, kicking and screaming, how could I ignore you? And then you made me feel like I was capable of taking care of someone other than myself and my life was not just the sum of my mistakes.”

 

“You did the same for me too, actually,” Junghoon confessed, pressing his lips together, “you made me feel like ‘oh so I can feel love too’ and that it is possible for someone to care so much about someone else.”

 

It was then that Jehyun rested his cheek on top of Junghoon’s head. They could see that the crowd was gathering, huddling close. It must be a few more seconds to midnight. They both had their eyes glued to the sky above when the fireworks burst in the sky, in all its glory with vivid shades of red, yellow and green. The fireworks seemed like a flower, blooming from the inside out. Just like them, they were like flowers who bloomed slowly through the harsh winter.

 

“Junghoon, what do you wish for us next year?” He heard Jehyun asked, and shifted his gaze to glance at his lover.

 

Jehyun was staring straight at him, his eyes filled with an incomprehensible something but it was definitely tender and gentle. The colours of the fireworks in the sky was reflected in his almond-shaped eyes, painted across his handsome face. Junghoon could sense the surge of emotions - like all the love he had in him was present in that exact moment, in that split second.

 

He didn’t need to think long. He held Jehyun’s gaze, with a smile on his face, he answered, “I wish we could be this way for a long, long time. That everyday when I wake up, I know you are mine. That we will both help each other be better. Heal each other. I hope that next year, I will love you as much as I love you right now.”

 

Junghoon watched as Jehyun’s demeanour became even more affectionate. The people around them were focused on the view on the sky, but the two of them only had eyes for each other. Again, it was just Junghoon and Jehyun in this world, and other people didn’t exist in their world.

 

Jehyun leaned in closer, his warm breath close to Junghoon’s skin, so much that it gave him goosebumps. Jehyun held their gaze, touching their noses together, making Junghoon feel ticklish and eliciting a laugh from him.

 

“I make the same wishes as you, too. You are the brightest star in my sky, honey.” Jehyun whispered close to his ear, the most intimate way languages should be spoken to a person.

 

When Jehyun moved himself away from Junghoon’s ear, he couldn’t help but to feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. This was not the first time that they were this close, but it always sent rush of emotions coursing through Junghoon’s body when Jehyun became intimate with him. The fireworks display still went on, but Jehyun didn’t waste his time trying to utter those three words to Junghoon because they were both adults.

 

They both knew that they loved each other, seeing the same light blue shade, without needing to tell the other person. 

 

So Junghoon was more than ready when Jehyun leaned into to kiss him, those soft, familiar lips that he had kissed a thousand times before but every time they kissed, it always felt like the first time in that photo booth, Jehyun’s lips tasting like strawberry juice. Junghoon did not need guidance anymore, arching his back and turning his head to make their kiss more comfortable. 

 

Melting into Jehyun’s kiss had always been the easiest thing to do in this world, for Junghoon. It was in the way their lips touched, the taste that only his lover’s lips would allow, the way Jehyun held him, the movement of their lips, always in tandem. Kissing Jehyun will never not be special, especially with eyes closed. It was as though they were transported into another world.

  
  


Just before the fireworks display ended, they broke the kiss, trying to inhale the sharp, cold air and facing each other with barely any proximity between them. Jehyun bit his own lips, smiling. He rested his hand on Junghoon’s cheek, and he leaned into Jehyun’s touch, as he always did.

 

“I started the year kissing you,” Jehyun stated matter-of-factly, pinching Junghoon’ nose playfully. “Happy New Year, honey.”

 

Junghoon could only look at the person in front of him with fondness. It was true that no human being could see the future. The future was an uncertain place, but you could either scare yourself or tell yourself that it will be imperfect but you will try your best to be happy. And hope for only good things. 

 

Ten years from now, Junghoon hoped he will always love Moon Jehyun just the same. They were two souls who carried a burden from their past, and then they found each other. It was their responsibility to take care of each other and love each other for a long time - to heal and be there for the other. Junghoon couldn’t think of anyone better for that than the man next to him.

 

“Jehyun,” he called out with a soft voice.

 

“Hm?”

 

“I want to love you forever...and marry you, maybe, one day.”

 

“Me too, honey,” Jehyun replied, caressing his cheeks, “I’d want a life with you too.”

 

_______

 

_ In the beginning, Junghoon thought there was no place for him in Moon Jehyun’s life. But from the beginning until now, it had always been this way: they were two lost souls with a heaviness in them. Until the day they met each other, they never knew they were lost...and that Junghoon had been incredibly starving for someone’s warmth until Moon Jehyun held him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ++ Thank you for reading my work up to this point. Please know I'm so happy that you like it!  
> ++ Please support my future works for 1TEAM, I have quite a number planned out!  
> ++ If there are flaws in my story, I apologise as this is my first 1TEAM fic, I will try to do better!  
> ++ The open ending is chosen because the point of the story isn't a melodrama but to portray a healthy reltionship wherein people who feel like they are 'broken' or have 'baggage' find comfort in each other and instead of one person saving another, it's more like they try to help each other while also supporting and loving each other.  
> ++ JeHoon is my ult ship oof also if you want to talk to me and follow me, here is my shameless promo to follow me @prince_sungho on Twittter!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is my first ever 1TEAM fic although I have written fics before. This is going to under 10 chapters (hopefully) and the first JeHoon fic!! Let this sail!! If you enjoyed this, please leave comments and kudos <3
> 
> For more 1TEAM shenanigans and my headassery, do follow me on twt at @prince_sungho !!!


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